Last year i started seeing one of my friends. We weren't very close beforehand but i'd always held a torch for him since school. When he was about 14 his parents went through a really bad separation which really affected him and he's been on a downward spiral since. He is now 25. We tried to make our relationship work, and i really fell for him, but there was always a problem with drink. He was and is the nicest person you'll ever meet when he's sober, but that's few and far between. We had to end things between because one minute he was so nice and trying to open up about all his problems and the next just totally ignoring me like i didn't exist, telling me to f**k off and not contacting me for weeks. I had enough of loving someone who didn't love themselves and who couldn't understand why i was so worried about him so i severed all contact with him in May. Fast forward a few months and middle of August he got back in touch, said he really needed to talk to me. So i went to see him, and he broke down and said he loved me, and he wanted me to help him sort himself and his life out because he wanted to be with me. I still loved him and i said i would help him but i said i couldn't be with him until he sorted himself out, or at least proved he was serious. I went home and i got a text the next day saying don't text me again, i don't want to see you ever again. Anyway, (sorry this is long) i saw him on Friday night, he'd been out all day because i drove past the pub in the morning and he was stood outside with a drink, and he was an absolute mess, he was out with his dad and some friends, his dad had him on shots, and gin, vodka and whisky mixed together. He couldn't stand up, so i dragged him away, left all my friends and took him home. On the way i stopped at garage to get some milk and coffee for his house, and by the time i'd got back to the taxi, he was outside it having a go at the police. I managed to calm him and them down and we went back, he eventuallty sobered up, but i had a huge go at him, and told him he needed to sort himself out because i didn't want to find him dead somewhere, (not my finest moment) and he sat for hours and cried, and said he had a problem with alcohol and he loves me so much it hurts him. We both sat and cried, and he promised he'd text me the day after and we would talk properly. Cut to the next day, no sign of him, then on sunday night i rang him, and he answered, i could tell he was hammered and out, so i rang him a few more times, but no answer, i got a text telling me he loved me, and then a couple of hours later a voicemail telling me to #### off. I don't know what to do. I really want to help him, but he hates me one minute and then loves me the next. I can't talk to anyone because everyone either thinks he's a waste of space or a nice lad with issues. Sorry it's so long! Thanks in advance for any advice.xxx

Hi and welcome to the board.

Unfortunately there really isn't much you can do for this guy.He needs to seriously WANT to get help.

His GP would be his first port of call. He can also try Al-Anon:

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

It's unlikely this guy is going to change in the near future........so you have to ask yourself do you really want to be spending your life living like this?

I lived with an addict for 3 years and it's no fun.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.Can understand why you wouldn't want to turn you back on him as a friend but as a possible relationship,then that would just be asking for heartache. xx

Hi,

Thank you so much for replying and for your advice. I totally understand, it's just so hard to walk away from him when i love him. And if i did walk away he wouldn't want me as a friend so i can't help at all. I'm stuck, i don't want to make him any worse, but it's making me ill worrying about him.

xxx

Hi again

He will only get help if he really wants it and right now it does not look like he does.No matter what you say or do,that will not change.

I can understand that you worry about him and how you feel but you won't make him worse.Only he can do that.He is responsible for his drinking.Not you.

You could give Drinkline a call. Drinkline offers the following services:

Hiya

Just wondering how things are going with your friend?

Did you give Drinkline a call in the end?

Hope all is ok xx