Hi Helen

Just wondering how you are?

Sending hugs xx

Hi Zannie,

Thanks for asking after me.  I am ok.  Had a really difficult 4 weeks, it will be 4 weeks tomorrow since I found Mum.  The funeral was 2 weeks ago.  Mum died of acute alcohol toxicity.  I thought I knew everything there was to know about alcohol but never did I think she would die of that.  I used to warn her that her liver would pack up but amazingly the coroner told me her liver looked healthy for her age as did all her organs which just makes this all the more heartbreaking.  She had been dead for about a day before I found her so I feel an incredible amount of guilt for not calling on her sooner, I might have been able to do something.  This was only the second time I decided to let her sober up alone.  I saw her the Tuesday before she died and she wasn't as bad as I have seen her in the past and she was lucid and able to have a conversation on the phone the Wednesday so I feel confused as to why this happened - I had seen her a lot more drunk before.

Alot of people came to her funeral, more than I was expecting as she seemed to push everyone away but it seems most people didn't know she had a problem so were very shocked.  She had made some really lovely friends in the 2 years she had been living near us.

I have thrown myself back in to work and its helping, until I have to face the reality of sorting out all her personal affairs and belongings at the weekend and in the evenings.  The hardest thing though is learning to adjust to life without her.  I have put so much time and effort into sobering her up and trying to motivate her to want to give it up, treading on eggshells so not to upset her or 'drive her to drink' that I am finding it strange not to think about it or have to check on her all the time.  I know alcoholics need to do it for themselves but when she was sober she used to say she wanted to stay that way, although I know she was deeply unhappy and I think to some extent was mentally ill.  I had thought that for some time (for a lot of reasons I won't go into now) and was planning to take her to the doctors about it when she was next sober.

Sorry to ramble on.  Obviously needed to offload again! 

xx

Hi Helen

Sorry I've taken a while to reply,had a lot of problems at home this week.

Please feel free to come offload here anytime you like. Always usually someone around to listen.

Don't be too hard on yourself,it's very early days.

Take time for you and some comfort that you did all that you could for your Mum.

Hugs xx

Hiya,

I just want to send you huge ((((hugs)))) and say i totally understand how you are feeling.  I too lost my mum under pretty much the same circumstances.  Mum was 53 year old and passed away 6 years ago due to her addiction to alcohol.  Its not an easy thing for you to be going through, just as with me.  I experienced a whole barrage of different emotions, anger, sadness, terrible grief, tears, frustration to name but a few.   I did the walking on eggshells bit in order to take away as many possible reasons to have a drink and did my best to try and sober her up too.

I believe alcoholism is a form of mental illness and in the end i did go and see her GP to talk about the situation my mum was in.  I couldnt stand the worry any longer.  Her GP sent her straight in hospital due to the state she had gotten herself into.  Mum was livid with me for interfering and refused to let me get within an inch of her in hospital.  She told everyone what a wicked person i was and at the time i was devestated.  She told me that she was going to purposefully give up and die within the week to teach me a lesson.  She followed her threats through and died a week later.  It took some real getting over for me and the guilt became ovebearing.

I look back now and realise she didnt mean anything she had said, it was her illness speaking and not the mother i used to know before she hit the bottle.

I really feel for you and if there is anything you would like to talk about then please feel free to e-mail me.

(Hugs) x

Hi Fruitpastille

Welcome to the board.

Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story with us and for offering support xx