Hi

My sister has lung cancer which has spread to the pancreas and her brain.  At the moment she is in the hospice trying to get pain relief sorted out, but they are not having much success, apparently after weeks of administering morphine they think she is having adverse reations to it and have switched to a different kind of painkiller.  I simply can't bear to think of her suffering like this.

Don't really know why I am posting this except that I need to hear how other people get through times like this.  I know I WILL get through it as I believe in myself but would really appreciate hearing what coping skills,  people who are going through similar, use.

I am very fortunate in that I have great family support. have a good faith in the God of my understanding and have inner strength.  I also have a job that keeps me busy.  What I struggle with is the terrible sadness I feel inside, I realise that is inevitable at a time like this but that doesn't make it any easier to cope with.

Mygally.

Hi Mygally

Yes it is a struggle, yes it is awful for all concerned but you WILL get through it. If it is any help, a very wonderful nurse who was involved when my husband was dying told me that she actually felt the family suffered more than the patient who often became "cut off" from all that was going on around them. Of course it is hard when we see a loved one in pain. You may well find that the oncology team will gradually increase the level of medication - once they sort the best palliative medication for your sister. All we can do in the meantime is to take things one day at a time. And, as we often suggest on Coping with Depression, if that is just too much aim to get yourself through the next ten minutes.

Have you spoken to the staff at the hospice about family counselling and support? Many hospices have a system in place as part of the overall team.