hi, ive been looking at this site 4 a while now, and i can see there is lots of lovely people with advice!

I think ive been depressed for years, i no from the age of  when i was 11 i overdosed on paracetomals( ended up just being sick all night with blood) i hid that from my so called mother that night, neway now im the age 0f 24, in that time ive hurt myself in many ways, wrote my goodbye letters etc. Mind u the happiness ive been is when my daughter was born 5 yrs ago, im now a lone perant due to his violence of which hes disowened his daughter. through this time ive ad my lows that lasted and i got myself back up again! but 3 months ago i finally cracked and went to my doc who didnt no from adam, and he prescribed me citroplram, then after a while upped them now hes put me on prozac. he has given me support from the health visitor and my daughter with the community school nurse team. ive been waiting now for 3 months a cousellor to talk to but it seems the appointment is not coming yet! in the time ive quit my job, the doc singned me off but having that thought of going back there was awfull. the doctor advised me to let these prosac work for a while before i c him again, but ive bn on them for 12 days now and i dont feel any better, today ive started crying again and my daughter went back to school today so i did nothing except sit! its weird when she is with me i get on with things and make her happy but when shes in bed, at schooletc, im a complete meltdown again does  anyone else feellike that when there children are with them?  my doc is on about getting a syciatrist involved- i have these thoughts not that i want to die, but  i can see in my mind how upset certain people would be and what funeral would be like, also my best friend lost her son 2 yrs ago and i worry constanly what i would do if i lost my daughter, at night these thoughts play in my mind and i get so upset i have to get out of bed, does neone else have these horrible thoughts of everything bad just happening

sorry if ive just gone on and on   xxxxkj

Hello Kayjay and welcome to the board,
Paracetamol is just about the worst thing anyone could take. I won't go into the details because of others lurking.

To be disowned by someone potentially dangerous is no loss so please try not to feel it as a loss. Things can get a lot better but you'd need to be around for that to happen and unfortunately the depression will make you feel that it will never happen.

The waiting lists to see a counsellor vary from area to area. It's good to be on a waiting list but not good having to wait too long and it's the not knowing where you are on the list and whether it's moving which is difficult. You end up feeling forgotten and as if nobody really cares, not good when you're in need of the counselling for depression.

My depression some years ago was as a result of work and bereavement and I had to quit my job because I knew I couldn't go back to how things were, not after already suffering the effects of it and recovering.

I'm sure others will have mentioned that antidepressants can take between four to six weeks to show signs of working so twelve days isn't long enough really. Give it time because it will be working, it's just that you won't feel it for a little while but you're getting there.

What the medication is doing is slowing down the rate at which you are using up your serotonin which then slowly increases the level. Serotonin is responsible for our moods, feelings of enjoyment and sex drive. So it's a bit like bringing something up to the surface in a lake and not noticing until it is bobbing about on top. It is bringing it up but there's nothing to see for a while at the start.

Sometimes I think the feelings we have when depressed are less about wanting to die and more about wanting to disappear for a while. Getting under your duvet and pretending you've disappeared can bring feelings of relief for a while and help you get through this awful illness.

You're heading in the right direction but it does take time.

We're more than willing to help you get through this and keep you going.
Hugs
Owly x

From Owly x

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."

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Hiya Kay i know exactly where u are coming from when you say about being low when your daughter isnt there,im terrible!! Mine go to their dads every weekend and i get very low because i realise how on my own i am,i have no family here and not many friends and it really magnifies it.When they go to their dads for two week holidays i am beside myself!!!I suppose lots would say i am lucky that he sees his kids so much and i am glad for their sake that he does but not for mine.Sounds like you need a network of friends,do you have many and do you have family near?Ive started going to college and am hoping to make friends although im not very good at it at least im trying.Im also waiting for counselling and ive got a "buddy"coming to see me from womens aid who are there to help you deal with abusive relationships or getting over one,that might be worth getting in touch with them,they have a helpline too if you want to offload,i know he has gone but it does help to talk about what you have been through.

Ali xxxx

KJ, don't apologise, you didn't go "on and on". The whole point is that there are times during this horrible illness when we just have to let all those feelings out.

You are winning, believe me. Never mind if things went wrong in the past you are making progress now. It will take a while for your medication to work and nothing will be solved overnight. There is always someone around to listen to you though. If there is nobody on this board then the Samaritans line is always open (find the link on our main board page). Don't imagine you have to feel suicidal to talk to them. They are ready to listen to anyone with depression who needs immediate help.

Hi KayJay,

welcome to the board. Don't apologise for 'going on' as you put it. It really helps to let it all out to those who understand.

You have already had some good advice from the others so I shall just say again, welcome.

Jillxx