Hi All.  I hope this post is not going to be so long winded I bore you all but I am so stressed at the moment for 2 pins I would end it all with the paper knife!  I have worked for this organisation for 10 years (in November) and I used to love my job.  I am good at what I do and I have worked with some very nice people over the years and with some not so nice ones too but surely that is normal as you hardly expect to like everyone you meet or for everyone to like you back.  I have always felt that you make friends with some and have working relationships with others.  Over the last few years though I have had problems with some of the women who work here.  We are by far in the minority as it is for the most part a male environment so you would think we would all band together but instead they seem to constantly be bitching and stabbing each other in the back and I just cant see the need for it.  I was lucky that I made a very good friend when I came to work here, in fact she was the first "best friend" I have had my whole life and we loved each other to bits.  Unfortunately she died last year and I miss her like hell.  Plus I have nobody to moan to about these women who would understand where I am coming from.

Back in August I was told that I was being moved to another site.  Because of financial issues someone who had been on a fixed term contract was at the end of it and not being replaced and I was the only person available to do this job as I have relevnt experience albeit some 4 or 5 years ago.  I came up here one afternoon for a couple of hours for a handover and was shown lots of stuff which really meant nothing and then moved for real on 1 September.  They day I started the other woman who works here and was meant to be showing me the ropes went off sick and was away for 2 weeks so I was really thrown in at the deep end.  For the most part people have been great (I knew most of them already as they had worked at my old site before and moved to this new site only a couple of years ago) but this woman is a nightmare.  She goes round telling people not to give me work because I am already too busy and wont be able to cope.  She is always poking her nose into what is going on and is not at her desk which means I end up having to sort her queries out as people cant find her and then complains that I am doing her work.  In the meantime she is making calls and writing letters emails etc for things that are meant to be my job.  I have tried speaking to her about it and to my line manager but they always side together and I end up getting nowhere.  I feel totally undermined and devalued.  Jobs I had are being taken away from me and given to other people without me being consulted and I just cant cope with it.  I really dont want to do this any more but I cant even think about giving up work at my age and financially!

Fliss

Hi Flick56,
I wonder if the need for the backstabbing is the fact that it is a male environment. I know that women have to work twice as hard to be considered as good as their male counterparts and that some women will want to gain the attention of some men, not because they fancy them but because of their standing in the company etc possibly believing they will help them gain a step up the ladder if the times comes or prevent them being first to be made redundant should that come round.

One thing I've learned is that you can never second guess an idiot though.

If I were you I'd still continue to have a moan to your wonderful friend even though she isn't physically in your life. You know subconsciously she will understand and so that would do you good, feeling some level of offloading.

I would start making notes about what is happening and when and who is involved, who knew what and what you were told along with dates and times. You never know when you may need to produce evidence and with these people siding together and you feeling undermined you need to do something to protect yourself.

The next thing is I would stop doing her work just because people can't find her. She obviously knows when to go missing and you doing her work means she has a good argument for doing yours. It weakens your position if you were to mention what she is doing if she can counter claim the same thing.

Another method of coping is to consider sitting back and watching her actions and not getting sucked in. How important is it really for you to be doing the things you feel you should be given ? Could you think about how you are taking home the same pay for doing less work especially when you are making notes on which work you could have been given and who has redirected it.
Should you ever be questioned you will easily be able to recall all the jobs that were redirected elsewhere.

Beware of anyone turning you into a desperate woman at her work who could become like the other women there. It's so easy to get sucked into the behaviour of the whole group when it seems like the only way to survive.

By making notes of every annoyance or manipulation you should find they can't do enough of these things and they will hopefully irritate you less as a result.

Hugs
Owly x

From Owly x

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."

CL on :-

Coping with Depression

Overcoming Stress

Paranormal Experiences

Astrology & You

Carers & Cared For