My dad died almost a year ago.  My parets were married for 47 years.  Although my parents were both Christians, as am I, my father was an alcoholic and we quite often had an unhappy life.  During the latter part of his life, he no longer drank and sort of pulled himself together and on the surface, my parents had a happy life.   Going deeper, my mum was still unhappy with my dad.

When he passed away due to ill health (not alcohol related), my mum made a confession to me which really shocked me.  She said she was glad the he was dead.  I thought it was shock talking and 6 months later, I asked her if she still thought this and she said yes.  Almost a year later she is still glad he is dead.  How can she, a Christian say something like that?  Whatever someone has done or however someone has behaved, you should not be glad they are dead.  I am upset about it because he was my Dad and I miss him, despite everything, but she does not..   She said she is glad to be rid of him and is glad he is dead.  

My mum goes to a church and she has asked me to speak to her Pastor about it but she has told me I am to pretend she knows nothing about it.  I said to her... why cant you approach him if you feel you need to discuss your statement that you made about your husband being glad he is dead.   She said she is unable to approach him and wondered if I would do it.  I am glad to do it, because I have always wondered what a Minister or Pastor's view would be about what my mum said.  I then asked my mum if this means she is regretting what she said and wants some kind of repention or forgiveness from a Minister and she said no.    She said she is still glad he is dead.

This upsets me very much because I am not glad my father is dead.  I could never think that of anyone because I am a Christian. 

My mum never left my dad and so I asked her the other day if she was so unhappy with him, so much so that now he is dead, she says she is glad about it, why then did she stay with him all those years.  I asked her if she stayed with him for my sake and she said no, she stayed with him because she never found any other man better to take her and me on.   

Any Christians on here care to comment.  My mums statement has been upsetting me a lot lately

Thanks 

Hi

I can understand why your Mum's comment has shocked you, but I don't think that her feelings are that unusual. If she has been struggling to live with the fall out of your Dad's alcoholism for a number of years, then it's inevitable she will feel some kind of release initially. However, the fact that she now wants to speak (at least indirectly) to her pastor suggests that she still has many unresolved feelings about the situation. I think the best thing you can do is to pray for your Mum that she will find the help and support she needs to work through how she is feeling and find peace. Have you spoken to the pastor yet? To be honest, I think that's a conversation your Mum needs to have without using you as an intermediary, although you could perhaps offer to go with her for emotional support.

I will be praying for your Mum and also for you as it is obvious that you are missing your Dad and that this is upsetting you.

God bless

I cant go with my mum because she lives miles away near Bath and I live in London.  I rang her pastor as requested from her, but he was going on holiday and he said he would ring me back when he returned so we could talk about it.  He is back sometime this week.

Hi poster

This reminds me of something my Mum said to me occasionally when I was a child/teenager. She told me that she didn't like me. That really reall hurt me then and well into adulthood so I can totally understand how your Mum's comments have hurt you. After all you love your Dad despite his faults. But now that I am a parent and have my own children and teenagers although I would never say anything like my Mum did, after all I know the pain those comments cause, I do understand what she meant. There are times that parents do not 'like' their children, what my mother forgot to say is that she loved me loads and how precious I was to her! That would have made the comment less painful, and maybe along with her truthful declaration that she is glad your Dad is dead, there are other things your Mum could have said to soften the blow or make it seem more balanced or more acceptable. Fortunately in the days before my mother died I shared with her how much her comments hurt me and she explained what she meant.

Yes, you love your Dad, an unconditional love due to his place in your life. But you cannot know what it was like to be married to him or the dynamics of their marriage and how they treated each other behind the scenes. Her statement reflects that all was not happy. I hope that one day even if its not soon, she will explain what she means and says positive things to counterbalance her statements. I can understand how she might feel glad someone is dead, despite loving someone, its possible to feel that way.

Your Mum like my Mum doesn't really know how her feelings and comments upset you, she's unaware of your hurt. Hang in there, I know you are hurting but there is more to your Mums statements than you realise. Don't feel you have to speak to anyone just because your Mum asks you to, speak to people of your choice if you feel you need to. Take good care of yourself,

Hannah

I am fully aware that there are more to my mums statements.  I know lots of things that went on... Anyway my mum must be feeling bad about what she said if she asked me to chat to her Pastor on her behalf about it.  I cannot do that now because she decided to leave the church due to some church difficulties that have been going on and so she said to me that when her pastor phones me, I am not to discuss it with him, so I wont

I keep thinking... I wonder how my dad would feel if he knew that his wife was glad he was dead.  I know for a fact he would NEVER  say that if it were the other way round.