Hello.

This board is very quiet - I do hope somebody on here will be able to help me!!

I am attending a wedding next month for a non-religious friend who is marrying a (not overly-religious) muslim girl. They don't want anybody to bring a gift, but have suggested that they would welcome donations towards their honeymoon.

I don't have very much money right now (who does?) so in these circumstances I would normally buy a couple of scratchcards and a lucky penny. (It's doubly lucky, because it can't be divided by two!) Anyway, I don't have much experience of muslim weddings, but am assuming this has the potential to cause offense, as Islam explicitly forbids gambling.

I don't want to get them nothing, either.

What do you think I should do??

Thanks in advance,

Cx

Yep... nothing quite like mentioning a “muslim” to help whip up discussion on any board let alone a dead board – but you need to be a little more controversial than that..

I doubt times are so hard that you have been reduced to nothing more than a lottery ticket for a wedding gift.

Why not try “poundland” who are doing quite well (certianly last time I read):

http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2008/dec/06/poundland-recession-creditcrunch

I'm sure you will find something suitable if you looked hard enough.

Anyway, suppose you did buy them a lottery ticket and suppose they won. Would you then feel overjoyed and happy for the 'lucky' couple or would you envy and resent your decision?

K

BTW there's a fallacy in your rationalisation as the lottery ticket is unlikely to cause offense as it is you who did the gambling and not the couple.

Hi K,

Thanks for your reply. Not sure you read it properly, though, as the point wasn't that I couldn't find a suitable gift in Poundland, Primark, TK Max, etc, etc (believe me I can!), but that they have asked for people NOT to get them these kind of gifts. They have also said that if we can't help ourselves we should get them money (hence it's similar to the Desi "no boxed gifts" line, only much more polite!), and this is where I have problems, as five quid in a card for a long-standing friend seems really mean, and I thought that lottery tickets might at least be fun and the lucky penny would be a nice thought.

Do you really think it's fallacious to think that ME buying THEM a lottery ticket would cause offense? This was really the question I was asking, as I'm not at all sure! Part of me thinks it should be OK as they're not that religious, and part of me thinks that if it's their special day I should at least enter into the spirit of the occasion, and make like a Muslim just for that one day!

I appreciate your thoughts on that point - I am now leaning towards getting said scratch cards...

Cx

it's nice of you to think about it :)

They may not be very religious but unless you are very sure what areas they are and aren't religious in it would not be an ideal gift. We are quite religious so if someone gave us a scratchcard we would thank them, explain and give it back with the hope that their good intention would mean they would win for themselves :)

One lovely idea that we had at our wedding (we were all very poor students) was IOU vouchers for a meal - it could be an evening meal cooked by the host, lunch out together or even a summer picnic and doesn't need to be expensive but is a nice way to avoid the 'boxed gifts' while still giving something personal.

Hope you enjoy the wedding :)

UmmAdam is..

Aw, thanks, that was a really nice reply.  :o)

To be honest, I was hoping that somebody would think of a way of doing this that would make it not offensive, but after reading your post (and the more I think about it) the more I think this is unlikely to happen, as there just isn't a way of being 100% sure without asking them outright and ruining the surprise. Have just been back to their wedding site, and they are now accepting gift vouchers for a particular shop, too, so I think I will go with that ... and a lucky penny! :p

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

Cxx