Dear all,
This board is about an exchange of ideas and opinions. It wouldn't be a debate if we didn't respond to each other. It's different from other boards that are aimed at support. Here, we encourage a difference of opinions. Debate is about challenging opinions. In order for the debate to progress, people have to pick up on points other people have made, disagree with them and ask for responses. If we didn't do that, this would be an opinion board, and not a debate board.

The crucial thing to realise, in order to engage productively in any debate, is the difference between someone disagreeing with you and someone attacking you:

If A says to B: 'You idiot! Only someone seriously stupid could hold that opinion. You wouldn't know the truth if you fell over it. You are ignorant and not worth listening to.' - that is a personal attack.

If someone says, 'That is wrong, X fact is correct' or 'I disagree because of XYZ' - that is not a personal attack. It is, in fact, the whole purpose of a debate.

Think carefully about the wording of a post before posting - especially given the sensitive nature of discussing topics such as immigration and culture. Remember issues will have affected many directly. iVillage is read by people from all walks of life, and sweeping generalisations, which are easy to make, may be offensive or distressing to others. For example, please consider whether when you say 'foreigners' or ‘immigrants’, you actually mean 'In my opinion, some immigrants or foreigners'.

Each member is expected to express her/his opinion and give advice in a respectful, non-judgmental, and caring way. Because of the diversity of our community, be prepared to hear opinions you may not agree with. If you feel a post is hostile, please report it by clicking on the ‘report a violation’ link on the message.

Everyone has a right to their opinion, and part of that is the right to criticise the opinions of, or correct the facts put forward by, others. A right to an opinion is far from being the same thing as the right to an un-contradicted opinion.

If you feel you or another has been attacked, consider re-reading the message and seeing whether it is really an attack on you, or instead (legitimate, in the debates topic) an attack on an opinion or set of facts disagreed with.

I'd also like to remind everyone of the rules of play, and of some points to help everyone communicate more effectively:

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/boards/articles/0,,163522_165710,00.html

Personal comments about other board members are disrespectful, unnecessary, and unhelpful. Berating people is not what this board is about; it's about healthy debate and learning from other people. If you think someone has posted unfairly, then report it. Don't respond with sarcasm or derogatory comments - it does nothing for the debate. If one person's posts particularly annoy you, as happens on every board, then put them on ignore rather than stray from the point, which makes debating difficult for other people.

It's always interesting to hear about other people's experiences, but please remember that it's difficult for people to challenge your views if they're based only on personal experience. Challenging personal experience is the only option left for those replying, and that is tricky because no one wants to appear to question anyone else's assertions about their experiences. Therefore, bear in mind that productive debate can be encouraged by researching facts, looking up as much information as you can on the chosen subject, and exploring the links that others kindly provide as part of their posts.

Freedom of speech! Don’t forget - with rights come responsibilities. On this board we all have a responsibility to be respectful of each other.

If you wish to comment, please email me through my profile.

Best wishes,
CM