I've started a new job a few weeks ago (full time work after 10 years of being a SAHM!) and the kids are all back to school.  Everything is so busy and I am coping without my mum.  But, and this is probably going to sound awful but the only way I'm dealing with it is by not thinking about her.  I know this isn't the best way to deal with grief but I did grieve and cry and get angry and I do miss her, I just can't dwell on it because I don't want to be upset anymore.  Life has to go on and me being depressed/upset would have really upset my mum and also serves no purpose as it won't bring her back.  Sorry, such a waffle this is.  I will get to the point.  Christmas.  I've always loved Christmas and so did my mum.  I'm still looking forward to it because it's the first year my 2 year old will really have a clue what is happening :-) but I'm so worried about my dad and how he's going to cope that I'm dreading it too.  This really will sound awful but when I'm not with my dad I can carry on as normal pretty much, but when I'm with him I can see his sadness in his eyes.  He's so lost without her and it makes my heart ache and I feel that sadness all over again as I'm forced to think about her.  It's hard being with him but I know he needs me and my sisters and I would never stop visiting him.  Please don't think I'm awful and selfish (which I do sound reading this back).  It's just that he always wants to talk about her as it's obviously still always on his mind, even though on the outside he seems to be coping well , considering.  I don't even knowing what I'm asking, I just needed to write down how I'm feeling.  There's also a bereavement service in my Church coming up to Christmas for everyone who has lost a loved one in the last year and I don't want to go, but of course I have to because it's 'expected'.  It's like people want you to think about it and cry about it and I don't want to.  And especially not in front of everyone.  I'm sorry I don't know what I am rambling about.  I did have a point when I started (I think!) lol.

Anyway....I hope you're all OK. 

Rosie xx  Sleep well, mum - missing you always xx

Hi Rosie,

we all cope with grief in our own way so if not thinking about things helps you cope then that's your way. Your dad copes a different way, by wanting to talk about it. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. And no, you are not being selfish.

Please don't do things because you think it is 'expected' of you. You should do what benefots you the most. Nobody who understands bereavement will judge you and those who don't understand, well,  they are not you and they are not going through your grief. We are all different and , as I said earlier, their is no set way to mourn.

I posted to someone else that we all suffer in our own unique way because all of us have a different relationship to those we have lost. You mourn the passing of your mum, your dad mourns the passing of his wife so please stop being so hard on yourself.

Sometimes it is good just to write things down because it helps clear the head and get stuff out of the system.

Hugs

Jillxx