Hi

I lost my Dad on sunday evening and am numb . What is the matter with me? I was so so close to him and have dreaded the day he would no longer be in my life. Now its happened I cant accept it. Surely it cant be true that I wont ever see him again or hear him say my name. I dont want to wallow in grief and feel sorry for myself. If I cry its for my own sadness and that seems wrong. Is it selfish to cry for my hurt and pain ?

I am usually a strong intelligent woman and although I am 50 I feel like a lost little child .

can anyone give me some advice on how to cope?

thank you x

Sweetheart, of course it is not selfish to cry , bereavement hurts! . Nothing, but nothing, ever prepares us for the emotional and physical shock bereavement brings. You are feeling numb right now because you are still in shock but you will gradually move through different emotions. Bargaining, anger, acceptance, etc. All are normal.

Of course you feel a little lost child, you have lost your dad. The man who raises you to be who you are. It is ok to feel this way, to cry, to feel hurt and alone. We all feel like it so please don't think you are being selfish. You need to mourn so you can heal.

How do you cope? Well, I am not sure I have the answer to that one. We just do. Take life hour by hour, don't worry about tommorrow, concentrate on today.

It is never an easy time for people when they lose loved ones but you don't have to do this alone. Everyone posting here is going through similar things right now and they will help you get through this. Please come talk to us and let us give you a virtual shoulder to both cry and to lean on.

Gentle hugs

Jillxx

Thank you Jill for your kind words. I am frightened of mourning and grieving. It feels like if I do cry I will never stop. I dont want to cry alone but I dont want anyone to see me either.  I cant share what I feel - it feels so personal that noone would understand . And I wouldnt expect them too either. Only my Dad would know as he knew me better than I know myself. He was my sanctuary and my solace when Life was bad. I could go to him just for a hug and feel safe. This is all so ''me me me'' when others in my family are hurting too. My children are devastated and I am trying to support them but part of me wants to say''leave me alone- I cant be there for you just now''.

My heart goes out to all that are grieving x

thank you again

Sue x

(((((Sue))))). It isn't me,me,me that you are feeling. As I explained to another posted you are mourning *your* loss. We all have different relationships with those we lose. You have lost your dad, your children their grandfather. two very different relationships so you see it is all about you and your loss. Just as for your children it is all about them and their loss. Please stop beating yourslef up over your need to mourn.

Crying helps, believe me. Try not to bottle grief up. I did, because of my circumstances at the time and, believe me, it comes back and bites you later. You will stop crying but releasing those tears helps so much. Talking to your dad will help too. He hears you, his spirit is with you I believe.

Please do come chat here. It helps to let it out and here you are not judged just supported. You can say whatever is in your heart and know that we will all be nodding our heads in agreement and reaching out to you.

Gentle hugs

Jillxx

i lost my dad v recently too ... and like you he was also one of closest frends ....sending you lots of love and support xxxx

you are not a bad person for how you feel ...i didn't want anyone near me for the first few days and felt so numb that it was hard even lookin after my babies....i too felt so guilty but i guess we're only humanxxx

we will get through all this .....

again sendin you the warmest of hugsxx

Charlie

xxx