Really felt for you when I read your post and can also visualise myself in possibly same situation in few years. We have been trying 4 years. DH has a daughter. If I got preg he would be very happy but really is not so bothered. I have stopped discussing it now as it has put so much pressure on us. It's so hard!! I ok ish at mo as feel treatment may be an option, but almost don't want to discuss it for fear of rocking the apple cart!!

I really, really feel for you and I don't think there is any one solution.

xx

Abigail

I could have written that post, i sit here with tears streaming down my face as i feel your pain.
I met my DF when i was 17 and he was 34, we had fun in the beginning and 1 night he asked me to marry him, i said NO as i dont do marriage and he said he wanted us to be a family. We talked about having children he was so happy, we moved in together and DISASTER!!!.
We tried naturally, he doesnt have children but admitted he got a girl pregnant once but she was on drugs and lost it. NOTHING. We went for tests etc and it was discovered we had a male factor. DF ran away wouldnt face it. Eventually i erupted and shouted and he talked to me, we have agreed to do ICSI and egg share but he has told me in no nice way we get 1 shot and im meant to be grateful if it dont work tough.
I dont see the point in trying as im so down, under pressure its do or die really i get 1 go and thats it.
I have spoken to him last night and i broke down and he now understands and sees things from my point of view and he is taking the pressure off. If he hadnt of backed off i would have walked i dont do gun to the head and he will stand by me i know he will he was just scared i fear your DH may be scared and i dont know what of but trust me sit down and talk dont put yourself through that honey you deserve so much better.

Hi,

I think he is just being honest with you, awful as it is for you, if he has always said he doesnt really want another child then its not really a surprise that he doesnt want to keep going through treatment (which he can probably see is affecting you very badly when it doesnt work) I have to say (and my partner agreed with me on this one) that his theat to leave you if you did conceive may well be to just give you something to look forward to if it failed again so you were not so disappointed (if that makes sense) Or it could be just that he isnt such a devoted family man (which may make sense with his kids living so far away from him) and is preparing you for that. But tbh if you did have a child and he left you maybe being a single mum would be better than not having a child. who knows?

I think all you can do is respect his decision not to keep trying, he has the right to say that. But at the same time maybe decide now if he is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with anyway if having a baby is more important than having him as the father.

 

 

Hello Abigail

I know how you feel. I am 48 and split up with my last male partner when I was 42. We met when I was 40. I had previously had a miscarriage and was trying to come to terms with not having children. Then I met this guy who told me he was a single parent. He was bringing up his little boy who was 7 yrs old and had another daughter with his ex wife. When we got together he was quite chatty about wanting more children and even told his son I might be having a baby. His son had started calling me mummy. Then his ex wife started turning up with his daughter and her other young daughter, only 2 years old. They started spending quite a lot of time together doing family things. I tried to go along with it but as you can imagine it was really hard. When I showed signs of finding it difficult he got angry and started ignoring me. At the same time he started deliberately timing sex so that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant and would always 'withdraw'. It was like mental torture, and eventually I got up the courage to leave him. I havn't considered ivf because I don't want to go to through any more pain of trying to get pregnant but it's also so hard coming to terms with never having children. Like you say, not a happy posting, but there are so many good things in life - it's just often hard to feel good about it.