My mother was VERY old when she had me, and I always promised myself I would NEVER wait that long to have my own children.

As a 43yr old 1st time mum, the age gap, the generation gap btween us was huge and she just seemed to inhabit a different world which I could never understand.

She refused to join our era so my childhood was an unhappy one, still prefering to apply the same standards and cultural prefernces which prevailed in the 1940's and 1950s. It made life particularly hard. As hard as it was for young girls back then probably, but wih the added complication of trying to fit in to modern life as soon as I left the house. I was a confused and unhappy child.

Anyway, I've worked it back from my brithday and her age and the probably date of conceptions and a few weeks ago ... I passed it.

If I had children now, I would be older even than my aged mother  - and the likelihood of that happening is of course really small.

Just made me sad for quite a bit and I needed to tell someone.

Oh Mellers hun (((hugs)))), your post is so sad. 

I wonder if by working out your mum's age at your conception and discovering that a milestone has been passed, it has bought into focus the mum you didn't have and all the things you hoped to give to your child if you had one.  

It's a real loss hun, I think you need to be kind to yourself while you are working through all the painful feelings associated with this.

Take care,

xx Paula xx