HI all

I wonder if you can offer advice or your views.--this is a bit long!

I know for definate that I want children within the next yr or two but the dilema is; do i stick out my job and have them v soon or get a new job then have them shortly after i start? (we are sort of trying at the moment but not charting etc- am currently sticking it out at work but thinking now...)

background:

I have been in my career type job for 10 months and have got some qualifications in this job but feel it is not for me and I dont like it. i get in the car and moan about it every day . I dont fit in, feel that my efforts are never enough but i really do work my A off for this place, i dont understand the principles of the industry- no matter how hard i cant remember the basics and its a bit to 'careery' for me now.

--having babies soon and sticking out work

if i was preg now i'd obv have to stick it out at work -naturally i wont neccesarily get preg just like that so could be sticking it out for ages. , i'd have to stick it at work whilst preg / hormonal, and imagine would be sick alot (just been off sick with swine flu for 2.5 wks, my work v anti sick too) .

I would get maternity pay, but then would not go bk - i would just get a p/t job elsewhere closer to home when baby would be older. leaving work this way there would be less 'shame' leaving, - my company are very good at making you feel bad for being off ill or annual leave . they would be annoyed that they trained me and allowed me to sit exams then i just leave -esp as we, like most, have had redundancies. Also would be better on cv that left to look after baby than left after less than yr as didn't like it.

...but can i last 7-8 months absolute min, this could be a year or more i'd have to stick it, 10 months have been tough already!?! wll i go insane? i moan everyday about this job. what if i couldn't find a p/t job after materninty and would be stuck going bk there?

-- getting another job now

if i got another job now, i'd have to pay bk the exam and course fees that they paid out for the qualifications i gained - this could be 500 quid. plus there would be alot of shame as noted above.

but i'd look for a job closer to home with less travelling and get a better work life balance than i have now so it would be like paying for 'freedom'. if i got another job i'd aim to not be preg before probationary period of the new job of course and as i would be looking for a job i enjoyed, i would llike to stay there and go p/t there esp as closer to home and therefore to my parents as well and near childcare.  (i wouldn't like the idea of just changing jobs just to get preg but its for life balance and i would want to go bk after).

if i got another job then i would be working longer before a baby came which would allow a better financial position- we have fair debt. maybe we could get married if i waited bit longer?

but...could i wait longer for children when i really want them really soon? will i just start a new job and not like that either and regret leaving current one?

help!! i hate making decisions. partner is like me and is unsure and each has good and bad points.

like most you have days were you think just stick it out as i want babies now but oter days its like, need my sanity first just leave job!

thanks!!!! xxx

Hi Hebejebee,

Firstly welcome to the board, I am Dizzy SAHM to a 3 year old DS and pg with #2.

This is a very dificult question and one that really only you can answer but I can tell you a bit about my experience.  When we started ttc I had a job which although I liked the actual work itself I didn't like the politics and the how the company sometimes went about things. I found it very stressful as I couldn't do my job properly as we didn't have the funds and I didn't have enough staff.

Anyway it was taking us a long time (in total it was 26 months after stopping the pill before I was pg) and eventually I had had enough and started looking around for other jobs and had a couple of interviews this was in Feb 05. I ended up staying where I was when I found out I wa pg in the May. However when I was 12 weeks pg the company went into administration and a couple of weeks later it closed. So although I planned to stay there to get maternity pay I ended up having to claim maternity allowance instead and between losing my job and week 29 from when maternity allowance can be claimed I had to claim job seekers allowance.

What I am really saying is that you never know what might be around the corner and despite all the plans you make things may turn out differently. If you really want a baby after my experiences (it also took 26 months to get pg this time) I would just get on with trying. And when I as looking for a new job after ttc for nearly 2 years I had just decided to carry on with the rest of my life and not put things on hold.

Good luck with your decision, let us know what you decide.

Hiya,

Just a quick reply as gotta dash, but I agree with Dizzy. Plans and babies actually don't mix! It took 13months for me to conceive my first baby. I was very career goal orientated and was definetly going back to work after maternity leave.......however I haven't gone back and am enjoying being a SAHM.

So, it may seem like a big decision, but I think you should just trust fate on this one. Try for a baby, see how that goes. If you got pregnant you may just find that work is tolerable as there is end in sight so to speak. That way you'll get maternity pay etc. Also, you may find that you don't care what work colleagues etc think about you so you won't worry about them being anti sick etc.

If you didn't get pregnant straight away then as Dizzy says don't put your life on hold. If you wanted a new job, then start hunting. Trust fate!

Jools

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