Hi ladies,

Apologies if this ends up being a long one, but today I feel so, so low. I really felt I'd turned a corner on Tuesday when Rebecca was 3 months as I felt really positive for the first time in ages

However, for various reasons yesterday was not a good day for me and I was in one bad mood since I got back from picking Samuel up from nursery (had words with one of his teachers). Anyway, when I got out the shower today I braved another look at my scar and nearly died as it was bleeding and when I wiped it away, there was a hole! Ok, a tiny hole, but a hole all the same and I got quite hysterical. I've been to see my GP and he assures me I have simply torn it and is not another infection. I asked if it could tear right open and he says although he obviously can't guarantee it, he said it is very, very unlikely. He's given me some ABs just in case.

I then mentioned that I am feeling really low at the moment and haven't felt quite right since way into Rebecca's pregnancy and could I be assessed for PND. He said there wasn't an assessment as such, but he went through things with me and said he was inclined to say I had post natal blues rather than PND the fact that I am up and down rather than at a constant low. He offered me ADs and asked if this is what I wanted as it would be a 6 month course, but I said no as I felt I wanted to work through my issues rather than mask them. He said to go back in a month's time if I'm still feeling this way and to think about giving the ADs a go.

So, I have a few Q.s and I hope the ladies who are suffering with PND don't take offence, but I'm debating whether I've made the right decision as today I feel miserable and a generally pathetic human being.

How do they make you feel? I understand their purpose, but what changes do you notice in yourself? I really don't like taking meds, even paracetamol for a headache and would much rather go to bed and sleep it off, but I know these issues and feelings aren't going to go away on a good night's sleep.

What course are you on and are you being monitored? How do you know when you'll be ready to come off them and have you been told what to expect? Do all those old feelings / issues come flooding back or is it that you feel that much stronger to take on these emotions?

Sorry to sound so clueless, but I'll be doing ok (like I was this week), but a few small things have built up and set me off and I'm really not happy about a few things (Samuel's nursery in the main, but that's a whole different issue) and DP isn't well again and has some tests and procedures coming up and then I feel so low and worthless again. I have no issues with Rebecca other than her pregnancy and birth, which makes me think it isn't PND, more my own self worth and how I feel about myself if that makes sense or is PND so much more than that? I just want to feel normal again, get fit again (still got all my baby weight) and go for a walk without worrying my scar is going to tear.

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated and sorry to lumber all this on you when I know so many of the ladies on here have worries and problems of their own.

Love,

Hi ya,

Just read your post and wanted to send you some virtual hugs and to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings. I can't comment on whether you should take medicine or not but if you are up and down and not too extreme then maybe you could get some counseling. In the past I have suffered with depression and didn't want medication. I went and saw a counselor who was amazing and with her help and support I was able to work through my issues to help me feel better about myself and get my life back. Everyone is different and some people need the medication to help get to the point where they can work on improving their feelings. Maybe you could have some sessions and they could help you decide if you need medicine. Anyway sending more hugs ... hope you feel better today! Fi x

Make a pregnancy ticker

Hi Nicola,

I have to say before I start this I'm not heartless! My mum says I have a heart of stone but I'm just more of a cruel to be kind, don't dwell sort of girl!

Anyway, my husband suffers from manic depression, it's absolutely awful for him, and for me and the kids. I'm very anti-drugs, not just for depression but for everything unless they are absolutely necessary and there's no other way. My dh has had counselling, and we started eating different foods and exercise played a big part too. It really changed things. I'd say if you're having good days, maybe some changes in your lifestyle could be a start? I think you're already veggie though aren't you? So I'd imagine pretty healthy already. Also do you have a rock at home? Your dh? I'm one for my dh? I think some people are prone to depression and others aren't, I know not in my whole life will I get depression, it's just not in me to have the thought processes my dh does. It works out well for him as no matter how bad it is for him, I can pick up the pieces time and time again. The fact that I love him so much helps!

However, if you do think you are depressed, I also know some people who would swear by the meds. If you try some other things first though you may not need them. Also have you looked at alternative therapies? Such as st johns wort or reflexology?

I hope things pick up for you, let me know how you get on. Sorry about your bits by the way, mine looks like a disaster zone after an episiotomy with Isla, then tearing with Kelly! I plan on seeing a gynae in 6 months and demanding a designer vagina! I have so much scar tissue I hate it.

Zoe. xx

Hi hun

Just online v quickly but saw ur post and wanted to give you a big hug ((((((((()))))))). I still haven't braved a look dow there at my scar and won't let DF near me.  As for feeling down i'm so glad u asked those questios as i am interested in the reply. I never realised how much being a mummy would take it out of me. (Sorry didn't mean it to turninto a rant from me).

You haven't had the easiest pregnancy or birth and with ur DH being ill too it must be really tough. I hope you feel better soon. If you ever want to chat just email me. You are NOT pathetic, you are a wonderful mummy and a beautiful person

xxxx

Hi,

Thank you. My scar is still a raw subject for me, so if I'm honest I think this morning was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back, but also unearthed the way I am still feeling, but I'm also scared of taking meds as I don't know what to expect. Maybe the weekend will cheer me up.

Love,