hi, not sure whether im in the right place or not but feel so depressed all thje while fed up of feeling like theres no way out.

i split up with my ex 16 mths ago because he had been hell to live with for years and never had the guts to do it he was mentally abusive and gave me hell for so long- we had a daughter 2getha and when i left iv neva stopped him seeing her.

i met somebody else and we are very happy -we have a lovely house, car. and am 23 wks pregnant with our first child 2getha.

but im getting so many problems off my ex he wont leave us alone- he threatens to kill me regular, he grabbed out of my partner then had HIM arrested for assault??? he keeps asking if ive lost our baby yet !!

he constantly plays mind games with our 4yr old daughter- he doesnt give me any money for her doesnt supply clothes for her (my partner duz)  he just buys rubbish like sweets. ive tried to let my daughter keep contact with him with him cuz at the end of the day hes her daddy and she loves him. he sees her for 3 hrs on a weds and has her for the whole day on a sat i dont allow her to sleep yet because i feel shes 2 young to be away from me esp with his behaviour in the past. he neva brings her bk on time eva and he duz it just to wind me up !!!

ive been arguing with my partner cuz we r so stressed all the while- and now to top it all off i recieve a letter from my solicitors off his solcitiors saying im totally unreasonable i dont luk after my daughter, ive dragged her across A room by her arm, that im totally mad and that police have been called out 2 me that he is a doting father etc etc and im such a terrible mom  which are all so many lies , he duz nuthing but lie and all i seem to do lately is cry all the while and get stressed out now hes started cuming up to my daughters school cuz he knows its stressing me out. my daughters had a tummy bug today so had to keep her off school and now hes gone into the school talking to the teachers by telling them wot a bad mom i am i just dont believe it !!

hes got his own life he spose to be getting married and that y dont he just leave us alone and grow up.

Hi :)

First off, I am sorry you are going through this. Your ex seems to not be handling the situation very well that you have moved on with a new partner who you are happy with and having a baby with. This is in no way an excuse for his behaviour, but maybe he's feeling very insecure as to where he stands in his daughters life anymore. His behaviour is appalling though and there is some things you should be doing.

You said you have a solicitor so you need to reporting ANYTHING that happens to your solicitor. Death threats, violence, abusive behaviour, threats in general regarding your daughter - literally everything he has been doing. The moment it's happened you let them know, that way you are always covering yourself with regards to how you have handled the situation.

Also threats of violence and of killing you is illegal. You also need to report these to the police. If he comes round your house uninvited and being aggressive ring the police. Again, you really have to do this hun to back your side of the story up with evidence of how he is behaving.

Keep records of anything that he has sent such as letters and texts and pass these to your solicitor. Maybe it would be worthwhile speaking to them about a contact order as well, so that your ex has to stick to a timeline of when to pick your daughter up and drop her off. You may want to go and speak to your daughters school and explain the situation, I'm sure once you have explained they will see your ex's behaviour very clearly.

I'm sorry hun, all the above will take a lot of strength and being pregnant you already have a lot to think about. But your ex sounds like he simply won't grow up and move on. He seems determined so in turn, you will have to be as well.

As for you and your DP, you sound like you have a great life together so concentrate on that and the arrival of your baby. Keep talking about the situation and both rely on each other to keep the other calm. Especially when the ex comes round for his daughter. If you see your DP is starting to get annoyed at the ex, perhaps ask him to go and get you something from another room. Anything to calm the situation. Remember, as hard as it will be, remain calm yourself. Maybe have the pick up outside your house, have your daughter all ready and you can literally give her a kiss, say you will see her later and let them go. If he tries to engage you in conversation, make it clear he has his daughter and you will see them later and go back into the house. I know all this will be hard but it really is the best way to deal with this situation. Calm calm calm!

The Residence and Contact board may be of really good help to you as many ladies on there have had problem ex's and so can give you some valuable advice.

http://messageboards.ivillage.co.uk/iv-ukprcustody - thats the link to the board.

I hope all this helps in some way and he starts to back off. You and DP just need to concentrate on staying strong together and supporting each other. Let this bring you closer together and look forward to the arrival of your new baby :]

Oh I thought I would just add I worked in a solicitors within the family sector and have previously dealt with a violent and abusive ex so I've seen things like this before and it WILL get better.