Hi All

I had my 20 week scan yesterday.  I asked to find out the sex as I knew I'd be disappointed if wasn't a girl (have a lovely 2 year old little boy). 

We are only going to have 2 and I've always, always wanted a girl so I knew I'd be disappointed if it was a boy and wanted to get it out of the way, rather than be disappointed when he was born. 

I thought I'd be just a little bit upset but have now been in tears pretty much ever since we left the hospital.  I feel so so guilty for feeling like this and feel like such a shit mummy.  I love my little boy SOOOOOO much and I already love the little one too but I feel that I've lost the dream of the little girl I'll never have.

I just wondered if anyone has any experience of this too?

Thanks for reading.

Claire x

(((hugs)))

It's ok to be sad.  Take some time to grieve for your dreams.  I remember wanting DS1 to be a girl because for some reason I thought girls were easier.  I soon found out that my friend's little girl was just as much hard work as my little boy though.  Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Love Sophie xx

CL on coping with miscarriage.  CL on postnatal depression

 

"I haven't a clue as to how my story will end. But that's all right. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, you don't conclude that the road has vanished... and how else could we discover the stars?"

Mummy to ^i^Eleanor^i^ (June 05), Jeremiah (July 06) and Isaac (April 08)

Hello,

I just wanted to say that I hope you're feeling better.  The advice given is true - you've had a dream and now you feel that this will never been reached.  You have to have your time to grieve for it.  I have suffered from depression in the past and a lot of it is fixated on dreams, such as perfect relationships failing, jobs not being available etc.  It's hard when you can't get what you want, especially when it's something you can't control (and I like to control as much as possible!).

I think it's good that you have found out the sex now so that you have time to acknowledge the situation.  I think I'll find out the sex for our next one for the same reasons.  But now you have to grieve and then set a new dream - you, your darling DP and two very healthy wonderful boys, which is a lot more than some people can ever wish for. 

I have a friend who always wanted a little girl.  She miscarried a lot and eventually gave birth to a girl with very complicated defects.  Turns out, there was some chromosomal abnormalities carried on the X chromosome of her hubby that meant she would probably never have a healthy girl.  That little girl died before her 2nd birthday and they had all the horrors of hospitals and watching her suffer.  She has a lovely healthy boy now, but is unable to have more.  Of course, some people can't have any children.  I'm not saying those things to make you think that you might be the same or that you are being ungrateful etc, I'm just trying to give you a few pointers to focus on to help you refocus your dream.  I find it helps for me, although the disappoint will still be there, it'll lessen.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I wish the best for your new little boy.  I'm hoping to have a boy, but trying not to get too fixated on it.  It's weird how everyone wants something different isn't it :)

Love,

lou

x

Make a pregnancy ticker

 

 

Dear Sophie and Lou

Thank you so much for your replies - I really appreciate them.

It's nearly a couple of weeks since we found out and although I am still a little upset about the loss of my dream, I am definately now able to focus on the important and real things.

Thanks again.

Claire x