Hello, I'm Becca and I thought it about time I posted. I've posted a little in the past but mainly just lurked.

First of all, I have a beautiful 4yr old daughter and we've been ttc #2 for nearly 3 yrs. It's getting harder and harder to cope with the pain of it. It does make a difference that I have a daughter in that if I ever get so low and despairing as to think 'I can't go on', I immediately pull myself together, stop the selfish thoughts and think of her. The pain is still huge and relentless, especially when friends and relatives are falling pregnant very easily. My DH's brother and his wife have recently announced their preganancy (first month of trying). They have always said they plan to have 4 children and pop them out one after the other. I find this talk pretty hard to take, I know they don't mean to be insensitive but that is such a carefree, almost complacent attitude and I envy that self-assurity. The worst of it is that when I was pregnant with my girl she was, for a few months, called 'Florence' (we changed our minds before she was born) but we also had 'Scout' on our short-list. My B-in-L and wife have said that they want to call their baby 'Florence' but they also like 'Scout' (they have two further girl's names but Florence is their favourite). It somehow feels they are taking the p!ss, I mean of all the names in the world..? Have they no imagination?! I keep these feeling to myself though as I worry I am just being an unreasonable, over-sensitive old bag.

My DH's sperm count is slightly below average. I have had blood tests, tried Clomid and just had a lap & dye: all was fine with me (apart from two cysts on my ovaries which consultant said were not affecting fertility but he removed them). We are waiting until the new year and then we'll do IUI. The consultant wants to wait until new year to give my body a proper chance to heal after the lap and because he thinks the actual process of the lap & dye might be enough. I am going crazy with it all!

The worst thing is that just as when other people fall pregnany quickly they derive some weird sort of pride like they've done really well, I feel inadaquate. I KNOW this is irrational and not fair on myself or my DH but it's there and I can't shake it.

Anyway, sorry to go on. I've not really asked anything I just need to off-load and sometimes it's hard for my DH for it to always to be him I off-load onto (although he is lovely and understanding obviously).

I suppose my only question would be has any of you been to either ISIS in Colchester or Bourn Hall in Cambridge as these are our nearest fertility clinics for the IUI (we have to pay for private treatment). Colchester is much nearer for us but I just want the best. I looked at their websites but ISIS' success results page wasn't functioning! Bourn Hall looks very good but is quite a trek.

I hope you all understand and wish you all well.

Becca

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Hi becca, firstly im sorry you find yourself in this position hun, its not easy this FI lark. i truely understand your desire to give your daughter a sibling. the desire to have a baby doesn't change just because you already have one im sure.

we are trying for our first child and chose to go to Bourn rather than isis. it is well worth going to one of their open days, it is such an idealic setting and depending where you come from is not as much of a trek as you initially think. im from far side of ipswich and can be there in between 75-90 mins. its well worth the travel. we dismissed isis due to some issues with the consultant, but worth you forming your own opinions. feel free to message me if you have any other questions. 

good luck hun and keep us posted xx

Hi,

Thanks so much for your reply. I live in Ipswich too and I did have my heart set on Bourn Hall as a friend of mine had as successful IVF cycle there and spoke so well of it. I hadn't heard of ISIS.

Hope you don't mind me asking but was your issue with the consultant at Ipswich hospital or at ISIS?

I wish you all the best and thanks again for your reply.

Becca

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Hi

I hope you dont mind me posting i had egg share at Bourn Hall and have only really good things to say about them.
I know what you mean i had my DS naturally and had a care free attitude that i could have children when i wanted but that was not reality for me after 7 years i am pregnant with #2 and it has been a long hard journey i was first of my friends to have a baby but they are all now on #3 or some even completed family and it did get me down my son pulled me through the dark days but it doesnt stop the desperate yearning for another baby.
Good luck the waiting is always the tough part as you just want to feel like you are doing something.
I wish you every success and keep everything crossed to see your BFP in 2010.

Tammy