Morning girls.  Yep, I’m copying and pasting from Word to the board again so I don’t get caught!  So blinking stressful.

Thanks for all your replies yesterday about my little update.  FAO Babytots, as far as I understood her she meant CD22 (I am currently on CD5 or 6 I think at the moment) as I told her I do have 29 day cycles.  And then the other tests are on CD 2 – 4 (as in any of those days).  CD22 falls on a Saturday so she said to go Friday.

Re the temping, I think I have really messed it up so far.  First day was 98.7 (its in farenheit), second day was 94.6 and today was ummm, 92 I think?  Does this sound atall right?  And then what am I actually looking for?  A drop in temp?  By how much?

Anyway, the main reason for writing on this lovely sunny morning is because I feel Bloo.  Like the toilet cleaner!  Seriously though, I just feel really down in the dumps and fed up of putting on a happy face to all and sundry.  I went to see my sister and the baby yesterday which isn’t really the reason I don’t think (well a bit but not in a bad way if you get what I mean).  I really enjoyed seeing her, she is recovering well from her c-section, the baby is gorgeous and it was nice to go round.  I just feel fed up with OH.  Firstly that I cannot talk to him about anything of any importance.  I bought Wellman Conception Vits yesterday and stuffed them in a drawer as I don’t want to scare him off.  I am having these tests whereas if there is any reason its not happening I think it will be him (and his marijuana smoking which after all these years of knowing him and not minding that now really irritates me).  I feel very alone and he knows I am being quiet but I have all these things in my head that I am annoyed about but I can’t say because I don’t want to cause arguments because I am TRYING to make a baby!!!  And arguments do not equal baby making as we all know!  Also, he is STILL not working, doing nothing every day and that really irritates me too.  Its just lazy and quite frankly not attractive in the slightest.

So I feel a little lacking on the PMA today.  I am due to start OPK testing on Tuesday and am looking forward to a bit of hope on the 2ww although I am so down at the moment I feel like it will never be my turn.  I’ve never been pregnant and am beginning to wonder if I ever will be.

Bottom line, I am fed up of pretending to the world that everything is okay and I am happy.  Because, quite frankly, I’m not.  And haven’t really been for a long time.  Sorry girls, I will buck up, always do!  But right now, big fat fed up face!

Hope you are all okay and hopefully at some point I might have some time to myself when I can log on properly xx

Oh Hun - I'm sorry you are so down at the moment.

I really relate to how you're feeling about having to keep a happy front. The beginning bit is always the worst as there's nothing to do but wait for ov. I also know what you mean about trying to keep things a bit from OH. It's really difficult ttc when you don't always feel in the mood. I always try and keep ov time from DH so he doesn't feel he has to 'perform' but I think he often guesses as I'm suddenly much keener than normal!

Seeing your sister and new baby is bound to make you feel a bit sad too - it's perfectly normal. I know I get fed up seeing pregnant women and new babies sometimes as they remind me that I haven't got pg yet.

Regarding your temps - they do seem a bit odd. I temp in farenheit too and I think temps are usually 96-99 range. I think they can be a bit variable at the beginning of the cycle so I wouldn't worry about whether they're up or down a bit as there's not really a pattern early on. I think maybe your thermometer is faulty - a good time to treat yourself to a new one (go on - your're worth it!).

Hope you get your pma back very soon

(((hugs)))

hil x
cd1/26