Hi D

What a touching story. I am so obsessed. I cant stop searching the internet and reading mother and baby magazines. I have bought a few things, like a name book , baby record book and a royal doulton baby plate, but have written a list of the exact push chair, high chair, monitor etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy but just cant stop. I spend at least 5 hours a day on the net reading other peoples messages and searching websites.

My DH and I have been ttc for 10 months, but we knew from day 1 that there was a problem as my DH has Kallmans syndrome, and consequently azoospermia. On 5th August he stared a course of injections and now we just wait. The thought that it may not work is just too much to handle. I suffered from severe depression for 3 years, and took myself off meds in Oct07 cos I wanted a baby, only to end up like this.

I am a teacher and last school year was so hard for me, as because Im with 4 year olds there are pregnant women and babies every where. I really struggled and had serious thoughts of quitting, however the summer holiday has been worse. I just shop and think baby 24 hours a day, it does not help that my best friend is 7 months pg and im planning her baby shower next week. Then my dh came home with news his young colleague at work is pg and she wants my advice and help, cos he told her how much I know!

Well I'm off to pilates, its the only thing I can do to escape this madness, cos when Im shoping I look at babies and baby things, when Im home the same.

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, its ridiculous. Cant wait to go back to work at least then my mind is occupied with my 20 little 4 year olds.

Sorry for the rant, but it helps to get it out, as I have not mentioned this to anyone before.

Love and hugs
Kayla

Hi kayla

its me again, i replied on FI. DH and i are in our 11th month and i came off meds sept 07 so our stories are so similiar. i just wanted to say that i think its fantastic that you have managed to work full-time for the year, well done to you. i havent worked since jan 07 as i had a manic episode in sept, and we thought if i was coming off meds i should minimise stress by not working. i am now thinking maybe i should be thinking of returning as i will need something to focus on should iui with a donor fail. should we def go down that route of course.
i am just like you i spend hours on the net. i have a good few virtual friends, but they understand more what im going though than my other friends.
im glad pilates works for you. i start yoga tomorrow and i am trying reflexology next tues. try anything to keep well hey.
i alwyas spot the babies and bumps wherever i go. some days i find it really hard. but there really is no escaping it in my mind either.
i just wanted to say you are not alone

kathy xx

hi D

congratulations on turning your life around i am so pleased for you. i too am at the stage where i am thinking i need to plan something for me. i have been loosing weight to ttc and have lost 47.5 pounds in 32 weeks. i would like to be a leader once i get to goal and i think this would be a good focus for me.
i gave up work due to ill health and my career previously but have been med free for nearly a year and still hanging i here despite the news that hubby has no sperm.
i was happy to coast before even tho i missed work to saty well etc, but now i do relaise i need something for me. im still 11 pounds off goal so i wont apply yet anyway but i have a plan. and it does make you feel so much better.
you are an inspiration and i so hope you get everything that you desire and your journey is not too hard.
have you got a lot more weight to lose?
thank you for sharing your story xx

kathy

Hi Kathy

Thanks for your replies. It is definately easier talking to virtual friends. My friends dont really know whats going on. I definately think work does help keep my mind off things and my boss has been just amazing. She is so supportive and never questions me when I need a day off. She has been like a mother to me through this.(my mum does not know, we have a poor relationship, and she lives in South Africa)

I am also going to reflex. I did a course of 4 sesions once a week and now Im going once a month at ov.
When I was stuggling with life. I went to accupuncture, which really helped, aswell as hypnotherapy and neurolinguistic programing,along with the pills of course. Dont know what worked, all I know is that I feel like a different person. If we had had these problems a year ago, I dare not ask what would have happened, I was an emotional wreck.

We got reults back from a genetic test today, which state our offspring will have a 50 50 chance of getting my husbands syndrome, and ultimately having fertility problems when they are older. Wow! Its a hard bullet to swollow. If we manage to conceive and when tested at birth we find out its positive. I'm gonna set up a trust fund and make sure that they can go private from the start with no money worries.

Take care of yourself!
Love Kayla

Hi

sorry to hear about Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD). your dh sydrome and the chances of passing it on to children. just to make you aware should you ever go down the treatment route you could have Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) i know they do this at CARE Nottingham as another virtual friend is having it to stop passing on another syndrome.
fingers crossed that the hormone treatment works and you get to this point.
if you need support or someone to listen, im here

kathy