Hi All

just had to write to vent fustration today, well i returned to work this morning after stopping bleeding on friday couldnt return yesterday as had loads of blood tests done.

Was quite positive this morning thinking that i may return to normal..whatever that is then got into work to find a very close collegue who has just moved over to where i am based now sitting right next to me is pg, dont get me wrong i am so happy for her but so bl**dy fed up!!!.she is a really good mate but didnt know about me likewise.

Had my return to work interview with my manager who was suprised i was in so soon..but like i told her i need to get normality back and i thought i could handle it..well i know i can handle it..ive done it but ive got home today  (they have me working shorter hours the next coupe of weeks) and all i want to do is cry i feel angry that she is pg and we were 6 weeks apart, with her scan picture on her desk looking like she is pg  glowing etc and idont think i can cope, was it just the shock of it?..i feel on a real low now luckily my annual leave was approved although i only got told this in my interview so i have taken the rest of the week off, but i have been thinking how will i feel as time goes on as she gets bigger and bigger and starts talking more and more about her new arrival, i feel jealous but i not if that makes sence i dont know i just wanted to write it all down to try and make me feel better, my other half was home when i got in  (he works shifts) i txt him wen i was at work and even he said he was worried about me day one of all days.

ladies what am i going to do ? i ill always be nice and kind im not the sort not to be but if ia m honest i wanna bundle her up and move her away from me..is that nasty??, sorry ladies but thank you

love to you all and also to say you have all been such a major support for me the last couple of weeks if it wsnt for you lot think i would be wearing a really tight white coat by now!

hugs and thought with you

lisa xx

hi lisa

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) life is so darn cruel sometimes!!

i know what your going through hun! about 2yrs ago i suffered an ectopic pregnancy but at the same time my sister in law got pregs, we were both about 6wks when i found out! my brother decided to tell me his good news the day after i got out of hospital! HIS TIMING STUNK!!!

i lost the plot completelly, could not handle seeing my brother or evan hearing about the baby and so i lost touch and fell out with most of my family as my mother could not understand how i felt.....

i felt angry, why did "the big man upstairs" decide i had to lose my baby BUT my Sister in law could keep hers! i was angry, extremely jealous and very hurt! i had a rough time with the ectopic aswell! could not handle the fact that i had "killed" my baby (had to have methotrexate (chemo) injections to stop ectopic getting bigger) and landed up in hospital with suspected burst tube....

buuuuut the day i found out my sister in law was in hospital being induced, i could not wait for the news of my little nieces arrival!! i shocked myself AND MY FAMILY i think! the feelings of excitement came out of nowhere! it took time for me to actually hold my niece and i cried all the way home when i held her but i love her to bits now!

and now KICK IN THE TEETH NUMBER 2: my sister found out on friday she is pregs and is off to docs today to speak to him about termination!!! my head is a little messed up over this cos i cant imagine why she would do it but the other half of me HAS TO BE THERE FOR MY LITTLE SISTER cos i love her to bits and could not handle the fact of her going through this alone!!

it will get easier hun! no one knows whats around the corner, hopefully a nice sticky BFP for us two and all the other ladies on here

sorry i rambled one abit

hugs

Hi Lisa,

Sorry to hear you've had a crap day!!! Similar happened with me at work in July, me and the girl who sits opposite me where 4days apart i m/c but fortunately she was very good at not 'rubbing it in my face' so to speak and didn't really talk about being pg infront of me which i found a great help when i first went back, unfortunately for my friend when i'd finally come to terms with her being pg and not me, when she went for her 12wk scan her baby had died at 8wks. At first i felt guilty i don't know why maybe because it had only just happened to me and i seemed to be the only one in work who it happened too but she found it really easy to talk to me coz I'd been through the same thing..... I'm rambling now and going off what i came on to put lol!!!!

Your not nasty at all wanting to move her away and bundle her into a cupboard for 9 months (ummmm is that just my thought lol!!), at my work at the min there is me trying to get pg, another lady who has been trying for 14months and my friend who m/c after me, then there is a few newly weds who i think wont be far away from trying and i drive myself mad hoping I'll be pregnant before them coz it'll drive me insane seeing them get nice big bumps before me..........how selfish am I but this board is the only place where i can put down irrational thoughts!

I hope you can chill for the rest of the week and you never know another week off might help you to get your head round going back, if it's all to much for you I'd kindly ask if you could be moved or she could discreetly

hi LIsa

Bless you, i do understand how tough that is, what a bugger, with every loss i have had a DF or a relative has been pregnant, it doesnt get easier with time but some how I learned to stop thinking that my baby should have been born at the same time etc, and I get so excited when they have the babies,  but something dies inside of me every time.

wish i could give you a big hug and take away some of the pain ... pleased you have some time off this week

I dont know if this helps but my DH bought me a miscarriage bracelet, it has a stone on for each loss - needs adding to now as had only had 4 at the time and have just had number 7, but it was something that personally marked what had happened.

Also when you feel strong enough maybe you should tell your colleague what has happened, if she is any kind of friend she will understand in someway and hopefully be courteous,  but only do this if you are doing it for yourself.

take care Lisa

xx

Ladies one of the biggest thank you's coming your way!!

What a crap year eh?...i am so glad that your all on here and actualy put a smile on my face...im going to hunt around for a BIG cupboard monday! lol a massive one in fact!!

ive been for a drive had a few tears..not a good thing though my vision went a bit blured but coming back and reading your such kind messages made a smile.:0))

love to you all xxx