Hiya

I have had a few really bad days. I have not really had any up until now but I think that it has all started to weigh down on me and I am beating myself up. We went to blackpool on saturday which to be honest I did'nt want to go as I know that I get a little anxious before hand doing stuff like that but it was'nt too bad. But then the next day I had Elisah all day as my df went to the football and then was at work he also worked last night and tonight ( not off till thursday). It would'nt be too bad but she can be quite clingy so can't even go to toilet on my own.

Usually when df is off it give me a couple of hours to do uni work (which is'nt a great deal) where he looks after Elisah but to be honest she is a real mummy's girl and for some reason all she does is cry for him so I get her passed back every few mins. So for the last 2 days I have been panicking about my uni work and all I seem to do is try and get Elisah to sleep so I have chance to do work and I've got myself all worked up cos I have not done anything.

I feel extra bad because I feel like I am almost neglecting elisah ( I went nearly 2 hours today without talking to her) she is getting fed and changed and is warm etc.  This week just feels really hard and I feel really unsupported. I have got my In laws living next door and I know that they'll do anything to help but part of me feels bad as having Elisah was my decision and I should'nt expect them to look after her so I can carry on my life. I've already had to ask for a couple of lifts this week which I would'nt usually do but not had much choice.

I am debating stopping breastfeeding as I think that it may make life a little easier because it might become more predictable but again this is like a kick in the stomach as I feel that it's the wrong reason to give up and tbh I am enjoying it. Another Option is to defer a year at uni but I don't think that this is the most sensible idea as I will have to finish it next year and I'll have to go back to work too, as although we can afford not having my wage it makes a big difference and I don't want to have to scrimp to get by iykwim?

I don't know why I am writing this just need to get it down

Well done if you got this far

Becky x  

Hugs Becky!

It is so hard isn't it? I think we always put more guilt and pressure on ourselves than anyone else does because we just want to do everything right for our little ones, and yet there is so much more you also feel you have to do or get done.

Do you get on well with your in-laws? I bet they would love to look after Elisah whilst you study wouldn't they? Perhaps you should ask them and just see how it goes. I'm sure they would understand and they also want the best for you and your partner - so studying and getting your qualification would be part of that too. I doubt they would think that you shouldn't have got pregnant. It's really hard being a mum and I'm sure your MIL will remember that!

I'd also say not to give up breastfeeding if it is something you really want to do. Elisah is only a baby once, and don't do anything that you may wish you hadn't done in the future. If you think you could mix feed to give yourself some time off, perhaps that would work? Or can you express and give in-laws or your partner the bottles?

If you feel you have too many things on, really have a good think about what you can prioritise, and anything you can let slip so that you aren't putting as much pressure on yourself.

It's easy for me to say these things, but I have been sat here feeling the same tonight too. I have to pass 2 exams by January, and also learn how to train a new course by then. DH said he would give me some time to do it when he was off work, but he has now been offered extra work so he can't take the kids for me. I know his takes priority as it is paid work, but my studying gives me the ability to earn next year, and without it I won't be able to go back to work in Jan as I won't be qualified. Don't know what to do about it, but feeling pretty frustrated and tired right now! Sorry to take over your post.

Hope you feel better about it soon and find a way to juggle things without wearing yourself out.

Jo x

hey becky..

i dont reckon you should give up on breastffeding as you may regret it and miss it.. i gave up because i found it to difficult and was very stressed and even i felt that way, so if you are enjoying it and its working for you i would stick with it. just my opinion:)..

this is going to sound horrible but sometimes i just have to leave chloe to cry! or i would never get anything done.. if i know she is fed/changed etc if she starts to cry i leave her and after a while she tires herself out by it and goes to sleep.. god i sound mean dont i? lol.

that being said if you are trying to work you are not going to b able to concentrate.. my sister has a baby sling and sometimes uses that so that baby is close to her therfore doesnt cry but she has both hands free to get things done.. may be an idea?

also i wouldnt feel bad about asking in laws to help, even just for an hour..i bet they'd really like it..

hope you feel better soon..

Claire&Chloe. xx

I can't really add anything but I wanted to send you lots of (((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) I know time prbably isn;t on your side but make sure you're doing the right thing for yourself.

A sling might be a good idea that way you can do things while still holding Elisah close

Rachael xxx