Today I've received the letter from the consultant, as she promised.

It's very long, and is mainly a recap of the appointment, but two things stand out:

"...your baby's measurements were over and above the highest centile on the chart. There was definitely an indication for firstly repeating the glucose test to ensure you had not developed diabetes later on in the pregnancy and also to refer you for a review by one of the obstetricians."

"...there is a strong chance that you and your husband would have a baby of either the equivalent size or slightly larger... I think it would be reasonable to consider a planned caesarian section at 39 weeks."

So firstly there is a proper admission, and it's recorded officially in a letter, that the midwives should have done another GTT and should also have referred me to the obstetrician, and secondly that having a baby of that size I shouldn't have gone overdue and I should have been offered an elective c-section.

I am also pleased that I've asked for a copy of my notes (I think... still a bit apprehensive about having it there in black and white to read though...) because what I'd been told verbally was that I never got past 3cm, but in the letter it states I got to 4cm - information which the consultant would have got from my notes. I'm also still not entirely sure what DS's initial apgar score was... I know it was low (I'm fairly certain they said it was 4) but I still don't know 100%.

A copy has been sent to my GP so at least she'll know exactly what I'm talking about if I need to see her about it in due course.

Still not really sure how I feel about it all... I mean I seemed to cope okay yesterday when two friends on two different occasions asked about the birth and I was able to discuss it, but it was afterwards and when I was alone that I then struggled to deal with it again.

I'm glad you have the consultants letter, both agreeing a mistake was made (a serious life endangering one too) and that in future an elective c-section would be an option.

I know what you mean about being ok talking about it one minute and then very emotional the next. I still find I am sometimes tearful when I think back, and other times I am fine.

I have found it a great help to read others stories on here, and the Birth trauma website. There are also contacts on the latter who can offer phone, email or face to face support.

Are you thinking about putting in a formal complaint about the midwives lack of action on the measurements? It seems very negligent. I believe you also raised it with them as an issue and they dismissed your concerns?

sam x

Hi Gadgebot,

I think that although it doesn't seem like much at the moment, what you have got there is really quite important. Firstly, by saying that someone should have performed a GTT, you can now try not to be so hard on yourself; you're not to blame for any of this. The professionals didn't notice something that they should have. It makes me quite cross to read that, but I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that someone has admitted something was wrong.

The fact that they have said that you are a candidate for future elective section will probably mean more to you later on; the c-section board on here is great for advice on electives. Cool, calm and controlled is the general atmosphere in an elective section, absolutely nothing like you experienced before.

Write a letter of complaint by all means, you dont even have to send it, you can decide that later on. And as for talking about the delivery, I think a lot of us understand that feeling so well. The tears and shaky feeling gets lesser and lesser, but that take a lot of time and support.

Take Care

x

Lou

Hi Sam

Sorry I haven't replied before now.

Thank you for your message. I'm still not sure whether I'll actually put in a formal complaint or not. They did indeed dismiss my concerns - I'd asked repeatedly about my fundal heigh measurements being so big, and it was dismissed each and every time. I also raised the issue about one midwife who wrote in my notes that I was taking medication for "nausea" after I'd already been diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, as that also showed the kind of attitude in general she'd shown me! Ironically I thought my care was going to improve after I saw lots of different midwives (she was my named midwife)...

Still, at least we have it in writing if we did want to take it further!

Hi Lou

Thank you for your reply. Yes, I am still angry that they shouldn't have done something they should have done, on top of then dismissing my concerns when I suggested they do something! But it's happened now and as you say, I can take comfort in knowing it wasn't my fault and it was them who should have done something.

My current 'main' issue seems to be with driving. I've gone from a confident but careful person who loves to drive to someone who hates driving and is now a very nervous driver, to the point where I'm walking everywhere with the pram! At least it's a good way to lose weight and get a bit of my fitness back...