Hi ladies

I am so upset, broached the subject of babies again and dh has said that he doesnt want another baby full stop and that he hates being a parent.

Now considering we have a child surely that mean he doesnt like Jorja!!!

I dont know what to do really. Having kids is all i have ever wanted and he knew that before he married me. This issue is gonna break us cos the desire to have another child is... well i guess u all know how i feel!!

I knew dh wasnt kid mad like me but i have always said i wanted 2 children, I know i have Jorja and i should be greatful but its not the complete family i have always wanted!

I dont think that our marriage will last this unless he changes his mind but i cant force him to have another child so i dont know what to do!!

This is so hard, please help!

 

 

 

 

Hiya and (((hugs)))

I am a lurker as I was a member of this board until my DH finally agreed to TTC (after over 7 years)...

This is a horrid situation for you to be in, and it is very unfair of your DH to do a u-turn on you. I know how it feels to have the goalposts moved.

However, saying he "hates being a parent" is a very very strong statement, like you say - especially since you have a daughter, and I am wondering why he feels this strongly? I think it is something you need to get to the bottom of if you are going to get this sorted. Even if you don't have any more children, surely you want to know WHY he hates being a parent?

My advice to you would be to sit down together and have a calm discussion. Tell him you want to talk to him about what he said, and that you are not going to be trying to change his mind during the talk, but you need to know why he thinks he hates being a parent? I think there must be deeper issues there.

Please let us know how it goes hun, thinking of you

K xx

Hi K thanks for the reply.

A lot of his issues stem from when Jorja was born, I think he suffered mans post natal depression as he found it so hard and at one point just shut us out and stopped doing anything until i said something and got the health visitor involved to help cos what i was doing wasnt doing anything.

I know he found it hard and he still does but i wouldnt of thought that would make u hate being a parent.

Everyone has there bad days, i know i do. Some days where u think i havent done things right or why isnt Jorja happy when ive done everything. But i wouldnt change it and i certainly dont hate being a parent.

I love Jorja she is my whole world bad days included.

She is such a good baby, we havent had many problems like some people do with colic etc and she is quite happy and content most days so i still dont get it!!!!

He does have a very short temper and i think thats half his problem, no patients for anything. He doesnt get that babies dont sit still for u so everything has to be done on a moving target! also a tiff we had the other day, we were eating dinner and cos he and Jorja had finished he gave her a yogurt but i said to let her do it herself as she is getting to the stage of wanting to try and do things herself and i have no problems with her getting messy, but he got so pissy about it that i took it off him and carried on myself. I ask him what his problem was and he said that she is getting yogurt everywhere to which my reply was she is a baby and learning its fine, things can be cleaned up ( we have laminate flooring so its not as if its carpet that will get ruined, if it was i kinda understand), Considering he is not a clean freak and never has been i dont see what his problem was!!!

This has just done my head in, i thought he was warming to the idea cos i was gonna sell the pushchair and then didnt cos i said  wanted a baby, why if he didnt want another not say something then rather than making me think that it was gonna happen!!!!!!!!!

I just want to smack him one i really do im that angry, i think ive gone past being upset to just angry now!!

Again thanks for replying im sure i will talk to him again later when he gets up!

 

 

 

 

Im so sorry this has happened. I think the main thing is to figure out why he has said the things he has. Not so much not wanting another but the fact he hates being a father to the child he has. Thats a pretty strong thing to say and I know I would be heartbroken if my husband said that. Do you think there could be something else on his mind which is bringing his moods down?

haven't been on this board for a while but saw your post and had to reply. BIG BIG hugs to you.

What a difficult situation. for your DH to say he hates being a parent is a very strong statement and, although i know nothing of either of you I would be surprised if he actually, truly meant it. There are things about being a parent that I dislike - the broken sleep in the beginning, the social events we miss, the uninteruppted moening snuggles with DH ;-) but overall i LOVE being a parent. Is it possible it was a heat of the moment thing? That he is struggling at the moment and the thought of another child scares him so he chose the strongest words possible to try and get you to understand?

It must be really hard to want another child and your partner doesn't. I have a close friend going through this at the moment, it is so difficult to resolve because one of you will have to change your mind. How old is Jorja? perhaps in time as things get easier the idea of another child will be less scary for your DH.

You need to talk to each other and find out what is behind his feelings.

I hope you sort things out hun, thinking of you

HUGS

Sue
xx