Hello ladies, 

I know this board is fairly quiet but i wanted to introduce myself.  I'm 30 DH is 28, we've been together 5 years and are both teachers. We have unexplained infertility and a birth child looks unlikely without intervention.

Two years into our relationship we considered adoption, but after several conversations decided to put the process on hold and seriously try for our own birth child following up on investigations and getting help for our infertility. In Feb of this year after discovering we had a fertilisation problem we decided to postponed further treatment for a birth child and to look into adoption again (the need / want to adopt never really went away for either of us).

Everything i've read and adoption workers i have spoken to, had talked about time after fertility treatment to grieve the fact that we can't have a birth child and wait 6 moths before we register. I completely understand this policy...but i haven't dismissed having a birth child at a later date......this of course may well change when (if) we are accepted for adoption and have our child(ren) living with us. People that have birth children sometimes adopt then have more birth children don't they....so why is it presumed / isinuated that people with infertility wont go on to have intervention after adopting?

Why is it percieved to be bad to want to adopt and have more children later? We want to adopt because  we feel we have alot to offer. We are not necessarily wanting babies / toddlers, are quite open to adopting a family group and have the space to do so. Adopion has ever been a second option for us...something we have always wanted to do with or without BC.

Your thoughts? Love Em x

Hi Em and welcome the the board.

Sorry to hear about your fertility problems.  Me and DH were approved Sept 08 and are waiting to be matched, hopefully soon.

I completely understand what you say about possibly wanting birth children after adopting and our LA have the same view as yours, that you should have totally ruled out having biological children before entering the adoption process.  I wonder if they don't want to put their much diminished resources into getting you approved if there's a chance you may become pregnant?  And I do know that they are very keen to know you are not looking at adoption to replace much wanted birth children and that you have totally come to terms with not being able to have biological children.

If this is the case, could you explain that you do comply with their criteria and may be keep your (possible) plans of trying for a birth child just between you and your hubby?  Just a thought.

Good luck anyway with whatever you decide.

xX Cat Xx 

Hi Cat,

Thanks for the comments and congratulations on being approved. I bet you are delighted. I too hope that it wont be long before you are matched. 

I completely agree with not wasting their valuable very minimal resources and I don't like to lie, or miss out bits about myself and DH to decieve people but i really can't see getting any further without missing out the fact that we may look at having a BC some time in the future....no fixed plans but sometime.

We are committed to the adoption process and want this to work. Good luck with the matching. Love em x