Hi

Not sure if anyone can help but i can't tell anyone not even my family.

Long story shirt - DH and i tried for last 6 years to get pregnant, both have minor problems i have PCOS and overweight he has poor sperm but within those 6 years we have fell pregnant 6 time but miscarried everytime between 5 and 11 weeks. test have been done and we were told it's just 6 times bad luck!!!!

Any pick myself up and dust myself down and last year we said enough is enough and proceeded down the adoption route. 6 months in we are just about to start our preparation course and things are going well. BUT......

I'm now 8dpo and know we had sex twice around the time of ovulation so today have taken several tests which 1 or 2 have come up with very very very fait lines. Its typical we spend all that time trying to get pregnant every month and now we don't want it low and behold it happens.

My dilema is what to do. The chances are i will miscarry again so do not want to tell anyone not even my GP as i have not had my medical for my adoption yet and he will have to comment on the form about my health. Also if we're honest and tell our Social Worker we will have to put the adoption on hold probably for at least 6 months if i miscarry.

The down side now is that i am going to have to pay privately for scans (£70)and when i do miscarry i will have to pay for a D&C (£500 APPROX) if it doesn't happen naturally but even still i can't goo to my GP. I'm so scare i'm really really hoping that i get my period next week and the lines on the test are just evap lines because i've gave up hoping that the pregnancy will go to plan.

Advice would be appreciated

Little Miss

Hi Little Miss,

Don't panic! There is really no need to tell social workers or doctors anything yet. Many people don't know they are pregnant until they are several months into it. I would certainly keep it to myself until past the 12/13 week stage when the baby attaches to the womb for real. Even then i would be tempted to keep quiet around the social worker until you really begin to show. Go and get the preparation course under your belt. Then, if things do go wrong with your pregnancy and you have to wait a bit to proceed with the adoption process you will have a head start and not have to wait for another course to come round.

Surely though, if you do miscarry you will have to inform your doctor, even if you went privately he would still be informed wouldn't he? Your health is the most important thing at that point. When/if you adopt your child will need a healthy mum.

It must be so hard for you at the moment, desperately wanting to be successfully pregnant and desperately wanting not to spoil your chances of getting on with adoption. Thank goodness you have your dh to talk to.

Good luck.

Helen

Hi Helen

Thanks for the reply

I have contacted a private clinic who said they would keep things confidential and my GP would not need to know. My 1st worry is that i would need at least 2 scans, 1 to confirm that its in the right place and viable and one at around the 11 - 12 week mark which is the longest i've every carried to and scans cost a minimum of £70 however, my biggest worry is if things don't go to plan. I have had 2 missed miscarriages where the baby has died but i have not miscarried and i have had to have a d&c to remove it. If this was to happen this time i will have to pay approx £500 if i go private or tell my GP which will mean we will have to put the adoption on hold for at least 6 months.

I feel absoloutely sick to my stomach through worry. I have even been looking up early medical termination treatment but keep hitting brick walls everywhere, i the only reason for this is, if i do it soon hopefully the physical pain would not be that bad.

And to top it all off as it is the weekend no family planning or clinics are open so have to wait until Monday. We have finished our course now and our waiting for our home study to start and I have no intention of telling our social worker unless i have to. My worry is my medical if she asks for that to be done soon. Do they ask for a urine sample do you know?

Do you ever get the feeling in never rains but it pours.

Thanks again

Little Miss

Hi Little Miss,

I'm pretty certain they didn't do a urine test on me - and I have diabetes. To be honest, even if they did I'm sure  they wouldn't test it for pregnancy.

Helen

Hi Little Miss

Really sorry to hear you're having such a rough old time!  I totally agree with Helen, I wouldn't mention anything to SW yet.  Another point, it may be some time between your training finishing and the home study starting, some people wait a good few months which may work in your favour under the circumstances.  I know when we started the home study our medicals were one of the 1st things they did and they did take urine samples from us but I'm not sure what they tested for.  Hope things work out for you one way or another, I know it's easy to say but please try not to worry too much.

xX Cat Xx