Hi all

Basically my dh has applied for a contact order citing me as being 'unresponsive' and 'uncooperative'. Since he left in February he has had regular contact with his children which I have diarised which refutes his claims about me. I have petitioned him for divorce citing adultery (he admitted to it I know amazing!) and given my statement of arrangements for the children with that. His request in the contact order seems to be very similar to what i have outlined in the statement of arrangements. I think he just wants to have an order over me; control yes nice... He seems hell bent on getting an 'order'. My solicitor says there are now some courts which don't insist on mediation. Does anyone know anything about this? I am happy to go to mediation (I do not want to pay my solicitor a load of money that I havent' got in taking this to court.. My solicitor says we can argue he should pay the costs..

It's just all so intimidating and unnecessary. He has other agendas at work here. Can anyone enlighten me as their experiences with this kind of thing...

Many thanks Greenfairy (have posted a lot on the Divorce and Seperation board previously) xx

Hi

I've not have a contact order - but I'm sure that you will have some replies from those who have. 

It's good that you've kept a note of everything. 

I think with some, they just prefer to have an order set in stone, so to speak.  I will mean that you have to make sure the children are available for the period stated.

However, he can still decide not to see the children in the stated times.  You can't make him see the children - to me that's the frustrating part.

Personally, I just feel that if the time he's showing more or less agrees with you, then it could mean saving some money by accepting it. 

It may seem like backing down, but sometimes you need to choose your arguments, as they can be totally exhausting.

I'm sure there will be more replies.

Jane

Hi Jane

Thanks for replying. Yes i know what you mean about 'picking your arguments' my solicitor has said that to me as well.. As you say very frustrating that the order is just about 'ordering' me to do certain things and that he can choose to flit off for the weekend whenever it suits him and not have the children... What's that all about there should be obligations and responsibilities on both parties.!!!

Don't trust him so will need to absolutely be sure that I know what I am signing up for re the contact order and agreeing with his terms..

Thanks again these boards are a lifesaver and have been wonderful support to me over last few months

Greenfairy x

I so know where you're coming about the responsibilities and obligations of the other parent.  My ex drives me nuts!!

And we have to smile sweetly to our children to protect them.

These boards saved me too - and still do!

Take care

Jane

Hiya,

we have a contact order for my step-daughter but our situation was very unlike yours, df's ex refused any contact with sd for little under a year and any reason she gave was all about her so judge gave the order for the sake of the child (poor thing :( )

Anyway, back to your situation, after been there in court and hearing what judges say, and having had CAFCASS involved and loads of talks with them, id say let him take you to court for an order!

He for starters has to pay £175 (mind you that was 2 years ago, charge may have gone up now), and you don't need to take your solicitor with you. As long as you can show the judge your diary of hos contact and your statement of arrangements for your children, i doubt very much the judge would actually make an order.

There is this thing called 'the no order principle' which, if you can demonstrate that you are willing for the contact you've already agreed and like i said, show the proof, im sure you would get. He wouldnt get an order at all (but he has paid lol...sorry.) We got the order cos ex showed complete lack of willing to compromise!!!

This would be a cheap way for you, but to avoid a contact order altogether, you could opt for mediation which is expensive i know.hope this helps a little and hasnt confused you further xxx

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