Hi,

My idiot ex has decided to apply for a contact order for our three children.  We split over 2 years ago at my insistence due mainly to his alcoholism and aggression. I have since divorced him and met someone else who is wonderful.  The ex was completely obstructive throughout the divorce process, he was publicly funded and even managed to lose the support of his solicitor in the end when he went against her advice and pushed the case to an unnecessary FDR hearing (he lost everything as a result).

Since the ex and I split, we have had a working voluntary arrangement that he see's the children every Saturday all day.  The only time this contact has been missed has been when he has cancelled it himself for whatever reason.  I have arranged all my holidays in this time to be Sunday - Friday so he doesn't miss his Saturday.

This is despite the fact that he still drinks heavily, he transports my kids in an uninsured vehicles at times, he takes the children to his girlfriends house - with whom he has a very unstable on/off relationship.  He does not bother to take them to parties that fall on 'his' contact day. He cannot manage our sons medical condition (our son has to inject 4 times a day) and has overdosed him at times which is life threatening.  He has never shown any interest in having them for any extra time other than on special occasions like birthdays when he feels its his right to swan in and play the proud dad which infuriates me but I put up with it for the kids.  I cannot see that he would be physically able to have any more access than he does at the moment as he does not have accommodation to enable him to have them for overnights (he is in a bedsit). And I cannot see how an order is required or would work (when clearly flexibility is needed at times) and lastly I would be very concerned about him having any more access given all the facts I have described above (but how would I prove it all, he is such aliar).

So firstly, how is he getting legal aid for this when it is clear he must be lying to his solicitor ? Secondly, what on earth can he possibly expect to gain in these circumstances and thirdly, what do I do (I refuse to spend any more money on legal fees for this idiot).  I have had a letter inviting me to mediation but I don't plan to go due firstly to his aggressive behaviour but mainly due to the fact that I know he will spend the entire time telling lies and it won't get us anywhere as I do not intend to give him anymore access that he already has - in fact, i feel he has too much access given his 'issues'.

I would be grateful for any advice please.

Thank you

I would ring the police straight away if I thought my ex was deiving around uninsured.

As to the rest of it, I would go to mediation to see what access he wants & to show you are willing for contact to take place, because if you don't it won't look good in court. Doesn't mean you have to agree to it.

How old is your son? Could he admininster his medicine himself?

I would advise you to go to mediation. . Given all the circumstances you describe I would not imagine that IF it did go for a directions hearing at court he would have any hope of getting a contact order... He has had ongoing contact with the children (although I would be very concerned about the risks that has entailed).. Do not be afraid of the legal process if he is determined for it to go down that road.. He will not be able to lie himself through this...

I have been in court this week as my DH was determined to get a defined contact order despite him having had regular contact with his children since he left in February.. They have other agendas and thankfully common sense prevailed and no order was granted. However, I was left with my legal costs.. It was all very unnecessary and if he had gone to mediation out of court as I proposed I would not be financially out of pocket to the extent I now am... I know it feels very intimidating where courts are mentioned but you can get through this and if you want to ask me any more about the process please do.. Keep us informed as to what is happening as there are so many people on these boards who can share their wisdom (unfortunately from going through these experiences themselves) so you are not alone...

Greenfairy xxx

Hi,

Thanks for the replies !

My son does administer his own injections - he has type 1 diabetes.  But he is only 7 and he needs to have the carb content of his meal calculated and the amount of insulin worked out for the amount of carb.  There is also an element or correction doses to be added into this - in short, its not easy for a 7 year old and he shouldn't be in a position where he has to be responsible for his medication.  Also, when his blood levels are out (which they are all the time when they are with him#, it affects my sons ability to do anything !!!  A miscalculation could be fatal and the ex has overdosed him in the past by 3 x the amount he should have had. his understanding of the condition is limited and whilst he pays plenty of lip service, in reality he is not willing to learn.

With regard to the insurance, he is insured but he doesn't tax the car when its up for renewal #6monthly# and I understand this invalidates the insurance, it is up for taxing next week and if he doesn't do it, I will call the police this time.

He is an alcoholic but will not admit it, I cited it when I divorced him and he has been arrested for drunk driving in the past, additionally, i talked to relate about it so it is well documented although he still consistently denies it and has not had any help.  I know he is still drinking although its hard to prove.

To be honest, I am concerned about the contact he has already given all the above and I dread him having more as I don't feel that they are safe with him.  I want my children to see their father but he just isn't a responsible parent even remotely.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if I should be applying to reduce his contact #A prohibited steps order ?).  I could never forgive myself if something happened to one of them as a result of any of the factors above.

Can anyone tell me anything about the prohibited steps order and whether that is an option at all ??

Thanks for much for all your advise.

x

I don't mean to sound harsh but your reply seems like a back track & so it would in court. If his car is taxed & insured now that is fine, you can't go on the fact that he might not renew his tax or insurance. Same with the diabetes, has your son ended up in hospital as a direct result of him overdosing? When was the last time it happened?

Courts will look primarily at the need of a child to have plenty of contact with the father UNLESS they are in REAL danger. HARD AS IT IS, WHILST HIS STANDARDS ARE NOT UP TO YOURS that will not be considered sufficient reason by te courts.