Hi

I posted last week about DD not seeming to like school. Well at the moment she is going in to school ok with no upset but she is still saying she hates going. Last night I asked her if something was making her sad and she said that 2 boys were being mean to her. These were boys she went to nursery with and I know both of their mums. Apparently they said shut up to her and followed her when she tried to play somewhere else. Now I don't think this is too mean but it is obviously upsetting her. I don't want her to be a 'wet lettuce' but I cam glad she has told me. How do I deal with this? One of the boys has always been her best friend and is quite boisterous- she is due to go to his house in a couple of weeks as her school breaks up one day earlier than mine. I don't want to send her if there are problems but she says she still wants to go.
My dilemma is this: how do I let her know I am taking her worries seriously without making it seem like a really big deal when it seems like boys are just being boys and she is mistaking being annoying for being mean? What if I have it all wrong and there is a problem?
As a teacher myself, I have parents coming in telling me their child is being bullied or left out and when I have observed closely I cannot see evidence of this. I do not think she is being bullied but I am worried that she isn't making friends. Sorry if this is a bit garbled, I am upset about this but also want DD to be able to laugh off silly comments and not become isolated by them. Any ideas?
Sue
XxX

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Hi Sue,

I don't think this really sounds like bullying to me, just boys being boisterous - but obviously if it starts happening more regularly it's a different story. Since she still wants to go to this one boy's house, that suggests it's probably not too serious - are you on good terms with his mum? Is this something you could discuss with her in neutral terms (something along the lines of 'she and X seem to have had a playground spat at school, could you keep an eye on my DD and reassure her?'. Children do clash at school, and it's the worst thing in the world to them, and then two days later they're best friends again.

Could you tell your DD that boys can get a bit rowdy, and to keep telling you if it carries on, and meanwhile when she's at school and she feels uncomfortable to go and find a play leader to stay close to?

This will probably blow over, but you're doing the right thing taking it seriously - just keep listening and your DD will feel supported.

Jos

Hi Sue

Its heart wrenching when we know that our LOs are upset.  I think to take the tact that Jos suggested would be a good plan.  You can also encourage her to learn some dealing with the playground/boisterous boys strategies which will help her both now and in the future.  All the things you'd do with the children in your class to help them would be appropriate for DD.  Reassuring her that, 'its just the way boys are' but that she was right to tell you will show her that you are taking it seriously.  Tell her that the boys don't realise they are upsetting her and so she needs to tell them that they are and that if they continue she needs to tell her teacher too.  I'd also speak to the boy's mum as you know her well, I'm sure she'll be horrified that her son has caused your DD upset.

When do you break up?  I'm still going until 21st Oct.

Tracey

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Hi Tracy,

One of the things I suggested my DDs do when this happened was to start chasing the boy in question, shouting 'I love you, I want you to be my boyfriend, I want to hug you!'

You couldn't see them for dust.

Obviously this would not work if there were real malicious intent :)

Jos