Basically my dd appears confident and full of fun but behind the scenes crumbles, and becomes quite anxious. To the point she began eye lash pulling, at first we couldn't get why but now it is almost like nailbiting through anxiousness.

Just wondered if we are alone, I assume not, in this problem!

Hi

I think I may have one but not sure how much is manipulation to be honest! I have been posting on my home board (oct-dec 04) about her. She says she feels sick a lot when I am pretty sure she doesnt. She always says it at bedtime and often when we leave the house. I try to shrug it off.

she is also very over-sensitive. she will cry about things that I think are quite deep for her age. A few nights ago she was heart broken, crying becasue she was lonely when she was in my tummy.

I have put the sick talk down to anxiety, she is nervous about being left alone in her room at bedtime or when we are going somewhere she has never been before.

I have suffered with anxiety and am doing my best to help her be more confident. The strange thing is, once she gets going she is very confident.

It must be very worrying that your little one is hair-pulling. That is a recognised condition (I cant remember the fancy name but i know it has one). I'll do some research and post a link if I can find anything useful.

I found this on a site:http://www.trichotillomania.co.uk/Parents/tell.htm

It is a site trying to sell a hypnotherapy CD but some of it may help

Hair pulling and eyelash pulling tend to affect very intelligent people, and while it is a disorder, the behavior itself may be a reaction to boredom, due to that high intelligence.

Shouting increases the shame chemicals which cause urges to pull and will perpetuate the problem. Recognise that your anger comes from sadness, and it is ok to be sad that your child has trichotillomania.

Blame … It is nobody's fault, not yours and not your child's and not the school's. Your child may complain of bullying, but this may be due to sensitivity levels associated with the disorder. Listen, but don't judge.

The child is being punished enough without being punishing for pulling.

Try not to be angry about the lying which often goes with trichotillomania … this is caused by increased levels of shame, causing the child to think that the truth is intolerable. There are hormonal and chemical causes and your child is not deliberately being dishonest. Lying may become a lot worse in puberty, but generally subsides in adulthood.

The child needs to know that he or she has a disorder and will have compulsions to pull from time to time, but they only last a little while and that life can be fun. They particularly need to know that they're loved and accepted regardless of whether or not they pull. They're not 'good' for not pulling or 'bad' when they pull. It is a good idea to explain that sometimes they will have strong feelings and feel like they're not coping, but if they're breathing, then they're coping.

The slower and deeper YOU breathe, when you're cuddling your child, the slower and deeper the child will breathe, which will reduce anxiety.

Thankyou,

we have seen our gp, who said to ignore and it is fqairly common but it still hard.

I think all children learn how to manipulate, my son is learning, but it doesn't involve being anxious over things. My dd has stated like your little girl though that she was lonely in my tummy. She doesn't know she was a twin, didn't go past 1st trimester as many don't but must admit it made me wonder if she senses without knowing, if that makes sense?

My mum was a twin, but her mum lost the twin early on too and my mum has said she has always felt like someone wasn't there who should be........

Hmmmmmmmmm!

Hi

That is really weird. Gave me goosebumps to read. As far as I know Erin wasnt a twin, I had no bleed early on or any indication that anything was out of the ordinary. If I had been in your position that would have really made me ....I dont know what! I do have a conditions that (depending on who you talk to) can make early miscarriage more likely but as far as I know it was all smooth sailing.

I wonder where they do get the idea from? I just thought it was an excuse to cry (she seems to feel the need to cry, then think of a reason, no matter how tenuous) but if other children are saying the same thing, I wonder if it is not some mental development stage?

She is fascinated by the world around her at the moment. How do they make roads? what is mud? what animals dont have teeth? to name but a few! She also worries. Mostly about polar bears and ice caps thanks to the adverts on TV!