I am new to this board but not the site and I need to off load what I supoose is a mixture of things that have been building up for a while but I am very upset and at this moment crying my eyes out like a big baby.

First thing that is on my mind is Ethan my DS..... he is such a moany stroppy little boy and its getting to a point where I feel like I just cannot be bothered with him as no matter what I try is never good enough or it creates a huge big tantrum. Hes always been a bit of a moaner but my god its getting worse. Antoher thing is he is always ill.... I have never known a child like him.... it seems every other flipping week there is something wrong with him. I have had him tested at the docs before now and nothing shows up. He loses his voice alot, snotty alot, vomits a lot, just everything that is ill alot.  Eating is another issue with him.... he can go days with out eating proper like today he has had 1 spponful of weetabix, 2 yoghurts and half a fish finger. When you try an offer him food he kicks off even though we have learnt not to make a dram out things with him he still goes mental.

Secondly is Ethan again, This will sound silly but he hates me, He contantly asked for his dad when DH is at work... and when DH is around I am not allowed to do anything for him it has to be Daddy and Daddy only. Daddy has to do his Nappy, Feed him, Daddy has to wipe his nose or make him his drink. If mummy does it for him oit will either end up in a tantrum or it wont get drunk or eaten. Im at my wits end with it. Also Ethan is happy to play with me as long as he can hit me or jump on me and cause me pain. Today he just walked up to me and head butted me.

I feel I am failing him and wot makes me feel worse is that I am pushing Isabelle aside to deal with him all the time. She is so happy and smiley I really feel for her as I know I am failing her. I go back to work a week on Monday and its going to be so hard for me with Ethan as I just know he is going tobe a total nightmare for the childminder we have been going to settling in visits and hes played up at every single one of them Baby Bo on the other hand was happy as long as she had toys to play with and a bottle close by.

Im so depressed about all this..... Im at a total loss at what to do.

Hiya,

Firstly HUGE hugs.

It sounds like you have a huge amount to deal with and i can totally understand how you must feel.

You are NOT failing him - you have to believe that, the fact you are worried about him is enough to show your a concerned mum.

You havent said how old he is but i am guessing 2 1/2 - 3?

My first thought would be go back to the dr, and insist something is not right and you need help. I get the feeling that a lot of his behaviour may be down to him not feeling well, my DD gets constipated and its like shes a different child, moany, miserable, angry, wont eat etc etc. When shes well shes happy, eats, easier going etc

I have the oppositeto you with my DD - she wants ME to do EVERYTHING - believe me its just as frustrating as the other way around.that basically she is trying to control everything around her - including me! I'm having to put my foot down, and i refuse to do things i know she can do herself - like getting a tissue for her nose. I also started putting her in time out which has helped - any kind of hitting/headbanging etc she goes straight in time out.

I was also finding that because of her behaviour i was becoming more and more negative - so i stopped and started praising - anything and everything! Could your son be trying to get control because he knows little sis is really good? and he wants attention?

I know you have probably been through all this but when you start feeling negative, its very easy to slip into that way of things.

I hope this helps

Keep positive, your a great mum!

Sara x

Apologies for not replying sooner.

How are you today?

Ethan doesn't hate you, he is just playing up to his daddy being around. My dd did the same at the same age with her daddy, see it as the time to step back, let daddy deal him and go re-charge your batteries in the bath or reading etc!

Daddy is probably doing all the fun things whilst you do the day to day boring stuff, let daddy have a turn, and the novelty will wear off.

Food.........all kids do it to some extent. Make a weekly list of what food he actually eats and I am sure you will see he has a fairly good diet. Offer him healthy snacks and meals, and keep a check on the treats.....I am sure you know what you are doing lol!

Behaviour...how old is he exactly? Ih he hurts you a "NO ETHAN, that hurt mummy, we don't hurt mummys" should work, I always added that mummys are for cuddles kisses and hugs not hurts, and my son is now so gentle!

If you feel worried about his behaviour then talk to your health visitor, I am loathe to recommend other ways such as naughty steps as if he is little he needs positive guidance on how to behave towards you, your hv will be better at knowing YOU and Ethan and what to suggest for this stage in his life.

Praise all his good behaviour, get him "helping" you in little ways that are fun.

Please please do not let this stage get to you, as with all things with toddlers and babys and children......it soon passes and then you face another delight and another challenge!

Oh and whatever you do, make sure your discuss things with Ethans daddy, so that you work together and he isn't always the good guy and you are the one who ends up being the bad one, in Ethans eyes. Daddy has to say no too!