Hello, I have posted on this board once before, but quite a long time ago.

Basically, my son Alex is almost 5 years old and started primary school 3 weeks ago.  I have always had my concerns about him, but only because of his lack of social skills.  He attended pre-school for 2 years but never really made any proper friends while there, although his teachers never had any concerns about him, I gave them many opportunites but they just kept saying he was quiet and shy.

However, as I say he started school 3 weeks ago and yesterday his teacher asked to speak to me when everybody had gone.  She asked if Alex was having any  problems at school recently to which I said he goes on about a "mean boy" (I know who he's talking about and the boy is just a boisterous little fella who likes to "play fight", Alex doesn't like play fighting).  Anyway, she said that Alex is having problems trying to play wiht the other kids.  He doesn't seems to know the rules of play, he keeps pushing children and grabbing hold of them when they're in the playgrounds.  I was really surprised at this as he NEVER did anything like that at pre-school and the fact that he was trying to play with them at all surprised me.  I told her that I thought me and my husband were partly to blame as admittedly we've been going on at him about how important it is to make friends at school, I wish to God we hadn't now as I think he's just trying too hard to make friends but doesn't seem to know how to go about it correctly.

I know quite a bit about autism as my 5 year old nephew is autistic.  I just wondered if any of you ladies on here with autistic children could give me your opinion.  The only real symptom he shows is bad social skills - he hates parties in halls with entertainers, will not join in any of the games etc although he likes the bit when they sit and eat and he's fine at softplay parties - when we arrive at school in the morning he clings to me till he has to go in.  The other main quirk with him is that when he cuts himself, he freaks out if I try to look at it, telling me "don't see it" and detests plasters.  However, he does not have a rigid routine, is very adaptable to change, he isn't really repetitive or obsessive, although he loves doing jigsaw puzzles and does them virtually everyday, he is very good at them doing 300 piece puzzles quite easily by himself.  I'm not sure I would say he's obsessive about them though.  He doesn't show much empathy to me if I cry etc it doesn't really bother him although if his 2 year old sister hurts herself or is upset, he's lovely to her.

God I'm so confused, any advice/opinion would be gratefully received.  Thank you.

Hiya and welcome to the board!

What you have described is both my son and daughter in one!

My son has a dx of ASD and my Daughter dosnt but is under obs.

My DD is also seen as shy and quiet, and it was only when i asked pre-school to officially watch her that they came back and told me she wasnt interested in other children, prefering her own company or adults to her peers. She does have routines she likes to follow but i wouldnt say she has obsessions.  She also dosnt show much empathy.

My DS was also a whizz at puzzles from very early on, he would do 5/6 at a time and spread them all over our floor!  When he was young - and now he wants to make friends but really struggles to know how. He generally acts younger than his peers and so they tend to pick on him.

My Advise would be to ask the school how they can help, they should be able to set up some social situations - adult led, to show him the social rules that he hasnt picked up on yet. Its silly things like telling him what to say if he wants someone to play - ie saying "can i play with you?" or "What game are you playing?".

My sons school have social times set up where a teacher leads him and  a chosen child in a board game at lunch time.

Maybe you could have a child round to play and see how he gets on, you are there to help him intereact, my daughter for a long time would ignore the child but gradually shes getting better at playing with them.

Softplay parties are generally fine with Autistic kids because they dont involve sociallising - just running around and climbing! My DS loved them!

I hope this  helps, please feel free to ask any questions,

The people to really help you are the school, if they think he is really struggling they can refer to a paed, but even after dx its the school that will offer the advise.

Keep in touch,

Take Care

Sara x

(DS 9 ASD, DS 7 and DD 4 obs ASD) 

hello and welcolme

you could of discribed my Jake with parties, He hates them and will sit under a chair, unless its at fun forrest a soft play area, but even there it takes him 20 mins to wrm up

Liz

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Hi,

I definately recognise some of these traits in my 5 year old son Sam who has recently been diagosed with ASD.  He's the same with structured parties, just cannot cope with them and when he hurts himself he will not show me and can get quite angry.

Sam is quite adaptable to change and doesn't have to have a rigid routine, he gives good eye contact and is very loving but he does have social difficulties and there are certain things that freak him out such as sudden loud noises, turning the lights off (he hates parties when they turn them off to bring out the cake).

Stick around on this board as I have found it really helpful and the ladies are lovely.

Love Elaine

Michelle (17), Sam (5) ASD & Erin 3

Hi - thanks very much for all your replies.

Its so difficult, I always thought there was something not quite right but just hoped, like others, that in time he would mature and everything would be okay, although I always knew if anything was going to be picked up at all, it would be when he started school...

I went round my friends house today, her son is 3 months younger than mine and although the boys played well together, I did notice how immature my boy is in his play compared to my friend's son - he kept trying to have a conversation with my son but wasn't getting a lot back! 

Its upsetting, like other people have said, to think that your child is being monitored at school, although he obviously needs help socially so I am glad that they are going to try to help him - just hate thinking he's being treated differently to the other kids. 

Anyway, thanks again for replies and I'll let you know how things go.