Hi everyone,

I hope you don't mind me joining you. I was an ivillage user for many years but have been off the boards for quite some time now. I really need to talk to people in a similar situation to me at the moment though and I know from experience this is the community to seek help from!

My eldest son (5) has caused me concern pretty much from birth (actually, from before that although I know that sounds far too weird!) and is now in Year 1. I am a secondary school teacher and have done a lot of work this term with SEN children, especially those with ASD. Although these children are much older, there have been so many similarities between the way I have learnt to handle my son and the way I am with these pupils that even more alarm bells have been ringing.

 My son's behaviour has been troubling me all the more as he gets older so I decided to seek a meeting with his class teacher to see what they thought. I had the meeting today and his teacher told me they were going to speak to me (him and the SENCO) at parent's eve next month. He feels there are definite issues that require support from outside agencies. He is calling in the educational pscych and we're taking it from there.

Obviously I am relieved that the school are on the same page and being proactive etc and that my son is on the way to having any support he needs but at the same time it is hard to hear that your child stands out.. I am sure you all know what I mean.

I don't really want to speculate on what the outcome/diagnosis might be (although I have ideas) but my son is very sensitive emotionally, can not cope with smells, noise or light.. can not understand simple instructions without support (he has a 4 year old brother who is much easier to communicate with!), does not understand other children, has a melt down if we switch routine (i.e ask him to get dressed before breakfast when he usually does it the other ay round, change an item of clothing at the last minute etc) and so on- I couild go on forever... however, his attainment in terms of reading etc is normal and he is a very bright boy in many ways.

I am sorry for waffling on, just wanted to get it all off my chest. I can't really speak to anyone apart from my husband as nobody seems to know what to say or they just make comments which really annoy me! I suppose I was half hoping his teacher would laugh it all off and tell me I have imagined it and that he'd be right. Not sure if that makes me a bad mum- I only want his life to be easier, I don't want him to not be him and wouldn't change him for my benefit, only his.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!

Hiya, welcome to the board :)

How you described your son sounds just like ASD which I know you have already picked up on. Its great his teachers have also picked up on it because that is where I have found most of the support comes from. It sounds like you already have a good idea of how to deal with situations like routines etc and thats fab.  I think we would all like our children to not stick out - i know i do. But my DS wouldnt be who he is now if he didnt have ASD.

I have 3 children myself - eldest ds is in year 5 - hes 9 now and has ASD hes very bright, in top groups in his year, but he really struggles socially, very emotional, trouble understanding language, needs routine and questions loads if things change. My next DS is 7 and in year 3 - no ASD, also in top groups at school, then I have DD who is 4, just started reception. We arnt sure yet if there is ASD or not as she seems to have some traits but not others - ie she loves routine, hates change, struggles socially but happy to be with peers.

This group is fab, everyone is always happy to offer advise or just listen when we need to let of steam.

I hope the ed.psyc can offer some advise to help, please keep us update,

Love Sara x

Hi Sara

Thanks so much for your reply and sharing your experinces with me, it means a lot. I have had a tough day today (I think it's the shock, even though it isn't a shock lol) and we've been doing training at school about helping all children achieve which is obviously a great thing, but some of it was painful to listen to today and I kept wondering what is going to happen, how he's going to cope with different things in his life etc etc.

I am sure the ed psych will help and am looking forward to hearing back about it all.

I hope your DD2 has settled at school, my DS2 has just started too. He's knackered lol!

Thanks again xx

hello and welcome

I havent been on for a while as Jakes been a handfull at home since starting school. I belive that mums know when something is diffent about their children.

I have 3 kids Cal 6 and Cariad 3 on wed who do not have any issues, well Cariad has mild hypermobility

Then I have Jake 4, who is being assesed for where he is on the spectrum, he is a lively boy at home, but quiet at school. His speech has just started tocome on now he is at school, but he is a very literal thinker. He has meltdowns if we sday we are doing something that day then dont, every day his 1st question is "where are we going today" once he know s he setles. He still isnt fully toilet trained, can manage at school, but as soon as he is out the gate floods himself.

BUT I wouldnt change him for anything. We had supecions from birth but wasnt sure what if you know what I mean

liz

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Hi

I post on here occasionally but am just starting out as a parent of a special needs child, like you. In fact your circumstances sound so similar to mine........... I am also a secondary teacher  -not working at the mo, have chosen to stay at home a bit longer following the births of my second and third children, very close together. Actually I have started to apply for stuff again just playing it by ear.

like you I always had concerns about DD2 but tried to put off seeking professional help for as long as possible to give her a chance to develop and maybe mature a bit. But over the last few months we have watched the gap between her and her peers widen significantly. We saw a paed in the summer and she diagnosed Sensory Processing Disorder and Dyspraxia, neither of which surprised us! DD is 2.5 yrs so am actually quite pleased with diagnosis as it will hopefully lead to support at least at playgroup. She also struggles with changes to routine, social situations, bright light, loud noise and light touch  - especially from strangers, this is to name but a few of her "sensitivities"!. She can be very defiant too. I know that all this describes the average 2 year old but she has been like this since birth and it is to an excessive degree.

I know that lots of ASD kids have sensory probs but it might be worth investigating Sensory Processing Disorder by itself as not all kids who have it are ASD. My DD is not ASD but lots of her sensory probs mean that she benefits from being treated as though she is.

I hope that you manage to get all the support you need..........I'm sure that it helps to be a teacher yourself it has certainly gained me considerable respect from playgroup staff (where DD 2 is due to start) and at school, where my DD1 has just started in reception - she is the opposite of DD2, her teacher told me at parents eve that she has exceptional ability in many areas, is streets ahead of peers in terms of what she can do already and in her ability and is also ahead of many yr1's in the next class! I cannot beleive I have 2 such different kids! - I also have a 3rd DD who I think is more like DD1............

anyway I've rattled enough...........

Let us know how it goes

Cattie

Lydia (4yrs 7mths), Esther (2yrs 7mths)SPD&Dyspraxia, Duanes Retraction Syndrome, Anna (1yr 2mths)