Hi Ladies,

Sorry to bother you all but i am hoping someone can help me. I have posted this before on other boards but no one has really been able to help.

My son will be 4 in March. He is currently at pre-school, where they grudgingly accepted him because he is not toilet trained. He wears pullups, but doesnt appear to know when he needs to wee. He certainly doesnt know when he needs to do a poo. We have just been discharged from consultant care at the hospital where he has been attending for over a year, we have been given no diagnosis, all the tests have come back negative.

Basically he has never had a proper solid motion, he appears to have permanent bad diohrea (sp). I have been trying to toilet train him for a while now but i just dont know how to approach the problem. My HV was quite frankly rubbish, she offered me the help of a specialist nurse (incontinence) but she now (HV) cant even be bothered to return my calls. Nurse has never contacted us either. Obviously i get no warnign he is going, there is no hiding in a corner, straining etc.

Can anyone suggest any tips, has anyone had a similar problem who wouldnt mind sharing how they got through it.

Sorry if this is a bit confusing i am tryig to type with my DD climbing on me and i am a bit upset about the whole issue.

Thanks  in advance

Hiya

Welcome to the board. My DD was 4 in May and started school in Sept. She only became toilet trained about 6 months before she started so you are not alone. We have had a problem with my DD for a long time, she suffers the opposite - constipation - however when she has her medication she can go opposite for weeks at a ttime - very frustrating, exhausting, worrying etc etc. I believe it is because of the constipation that she wasnt toilet trained earlier - even now she has accidents at school.

I would firstly look at diet - could he be intollerant to something??? Dairy is a common one - try cutting down on milk, if you want to try cutting it out you will need to see your dr. Maybe keep a food diary - is it worse at certain times?

Next i would go to your doctor, telling him very firmly that there is a problem, your son is very distressed and sore and that you are not happy that no one has offered any advise.  They used to give me infant gaviscon for my daughters reflux - it helps make the food more solid - could something like this help - worth asking gp.

Dont give up, i've been bugging our paed and dr for 4 years and finally have a appt for a skin prick test to check for allergies.

As for the pre-school - they CANNOT refuse a child based on wether they are toilet trained or not, so i woulld stop trying to train for now, give yourself and your DS a break and try and figure out why it is happening. It is a medical issue and the pre-school needs to understand that,

HUGE HUGS, keep us updated,

Sara xxx

(mum to Joseph 9 asd, Thomas 7 and Emma 4 asd?)

Thank you so much for your reply.

He is actually the same all the time, because we are vegetarian his diet has already been looked at very closely, he has been checked for several allergies including dairy intolerance and coeliacs. Also liver and kidney problems, MS, leukaemia and a few others that scared me a bit. Sadly it isnt dairy although i thought that one might come back positive. Also when we were on holiday he didnt like the milk so for 2 weeks he had almost no dairy and he was just as bad.

I think i should ring the consultant as he did say his door was open for a year after discharge and as nothing has changed i think it is time to return and push for them to find some answers. I will certainly ask about gaviscon, thanks for that suggestion.

When the pre-school got funny about him i stormed home and rang the education department and told them i was sure it was discrimination on medical grounds and couldnt be allowed, sure enough a few hours later 6pm at night the headmaster if the school rang and apologised. We had a meeting and they said they would support me all the way with however we needed to proceed so i think maybe they knew they were in the wrong but didnt think i would question it.

I think i also need to get my dr to bypass the HV and get me the help of the nurse that i was offered, i have lost all confidence in my HV tbh, all she sees is how clever my little boy is and i think she thinks we are both being lazy.

I will let you know how it goes.

Hi

I can simpersised completely, Jake is 4 at school, and only went into pants the day he went to school, he is still nappies at bed, he has not formed stools, like newborn poo, BUT a lot smellier, so I do know what its like. He has only got into pants as he loves routine and the routine of school, helps him know when to goto the loo, we try to stick to theese time during the weekend. he has no idea if he is wet or dry, and I have tried every method possible.

Do get onto the consultant and do see the pead incontince nurse, pester as you should be getting NHS nappies. We get nhs pull ups and they are like normal pull ups but with dragons on them, we get a delivery every 3 mths

Liz

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Just a little update from me. Currently sat here sobbing as i just got called to go into school to change DS. Nobody in reception so i was stuck outside for 10 minutes. He had been in his dirty nappy for long enough for it to have started to dry onto his skin and he had leaked all down his legs.

I had to bring him home because i couldnt clean him properly. I know this wouldnt have happened if it had been dealt with quicker. He was sobbing because he saw being brought home 20 minutes early as a punishment for doign a dirty nappy and it doesnt matter what i say to him he wont stop saying sorry and that he wants to go back to school.

I have a Dr appointment on tuesday when i have a long list to go through and i am determined i am not leaving without help. I have felt the need to start doing something before then though so have rung educational welfare and they have agreed it isnt acceptable. I am now waiting for the school nurse service to ring me back.

I dont feel like i want DS to return to pre-school at the moment but i know he will be upset if i keep him off on monday which is what i am thinking of doing.