Hi, I'm new to this board as I need a bit of advice.

I'm helen and last year left my husband and moved out with my two children. I now have a boyfriend and another child on the way.

Anyway, I'm just wondering what your Christmas arrangements are with your kids and exes?

My ex wants to have the boys over christmas - which would mean him having them xmas eve, day and boxing day as he'd have to take them back to Wales where he's from (we live in nottingham) so quite a way.

It breaks my heart to think of not seeing my boys on christmas morning!

Next year will be even worse as we'll have a new baby in the house and if the Ex gets his way and has them, my boys wont get to spend christmas with their new brother/sister.

I'm half tempted to let Ex have the boys this Christmas, but I'd just be a complete mess not having the boys there - I'm even welling up now!

What do you guys do??

Thanks xxx

Hi Helen

I think most people with regular access either split the day or alternate Christmas or New Year with the Ex.  I had DS for Christmas with me last year and he went away with his father for New Year, the year before he had Christmas with his father.  I actually asked my ex to take DS away to his family for Christmas, because I have no family here to spend it with and at that stage had not had time away from DS for so long that I really needed a break.  I'm not a Christian, so it's not that important to me.  Also, as ex has time off work between Christmas and New Year and it is difficult for me to get the time off, it makes more sense for him to be able to take DS away.

If DS is away, I will make sure that he has his Christmas stocking here when he comes back ('Father Christmas was confused and didn't realise you weren't here so he left one here too!') and we will do festive fun things together and go to Panto on New Years Eve.  I will enjoy my child free time, go out with friends and do some painting around the house, all the things I struggle to do with DS around.

When I was a child, although my parents were together, we used to celebrate Christmas differently, usually alternating between home and my paternal Grandparents, but would have a second celebration with my maternal Grandparents on Boxing Day or the day after.  Our second Christmas was much the same as the first (but without the Father Christmas presents) we would have the traditional meal with all the trimmings, crackers and hats and present exchange.  You can have a special day even it isn't the 25th of December.

Unfortunately, my ex will probably remain uncommitted about where and when he is taking DS until mid December.

Anita

I've been quite lucky in that The Git has never actually asked to have the children over Christmas - although I was prepared for it.  The first two Chrismas' (my youngest was only 5 when we split up), ex came to us for Christmas.

Alternating is quite common - and really, you could put forward that if he's having them this year then they are with you next year, you having New Year's this time, and him next year.

My lot have been away for birthdays and mother's day, but by being positive about things we've been ok.  They love having two celebrations.

Jane

Thank you so much for your replies.

I'm still trying to figure something out. It's a pain that we live over 2 hours away or I'm sure it'd be a lot easier.

Either way I'll be having a Christmas Day with the boys, whether it's on the 25th or the 27th - they will love having 2 Christmases!

Admittedly it will be hard, but I guess it's something I'm going to have to get used to...even if I can't stand my useless Ex one bit. Especially when he can't be arsed to come over on Fathers Day or his son's 3rd Birthday! AH well!!

Thanks again, you've made me feel so much better! x

Make a pregnancy ticker

Welcome to the board.

Up till now we have alternated Christmas Day and Boxing Day, but I'm guessing from his dad's reluctance to see him, I will have him all over Christmas which suits me just fine.  With my step kids, again we alternate but since their baby brother was born it does tend to be mum who always has them on Christmas Eve.  If it's our turn for Christmas day, then we pick them up about 11am and they go back Boxing Day morning. 

I think it's unreasonable of your ex to expect to have the kids every Christmas Day, so it's best to lay the rules down now. 

Clare x