I feel like my life is becoming something you would see on a Jeremy Kyle show. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way a snobby person, but since I have moved in with my OH is seems we lurch from one crisis to another and each time it gets more and more extreme.

BM decided that SD will become sexually active so took her to get contraceptive implant, did discuss with OH and he agreed. I did question it as I do not think SD is very mature for her age (15, in yr 10 at school)

SD comes here this w/e, says she has finished with her b/f. Then asks if he can come round. OK, after he went she says she didn't know if she wanted to be with him or not (as you do when you are 15)

Next night he comes home with her after her Saturday job. I go to bed as not feeling good, OH is watching tv, come 12 he tells b/f time to go. OH getting ready for bed when he hears SD crying hysterically......guess what......they had sex and now SD is wishing she hadn't. SD wants to go home to her mum, mums b/f is telling OH he is not a good dad cos he should have ripped the b/f head off! BM is yelling its all our fault....well forgive me if I am wrong, it was her that put her on the implant. If SD didn't want to do it her bedroom is 5 paces from our living room, she could have shouted or run into us.

Guess I am annoyed with SD, just cos we let her have her b/f in her room didn't say...go ahead and have sex. Annoyed with the ex as why is it all our fault, SD has had mates male and female round before, she is banned from having sleepovers here because of what happened at the last one, maybe we should take her bedroom door off now so we can see nothing happens. Annoyed with OH cos he doesn't stand up to ex over anything. Annoyed with myself as I really do not want to be coping with any of this anymore....had enough.

I'm 53 years old and feel like I must have been living in a vacuum until the last 6 years, cos its 6 years since i moved in with OH and my life has changed so much. Am not saying my previous life was perfect....if it was I wouldn't be divorced, but managed to bring up 2 teenagers without this dramatic stuff occouring all the time!

Rant over!

Thanks for reading

Trex xxxx

Hi

Firstly, I think the BM was sensible in getting some contraception sorted out for her daughter.  Your OH was also sensible in agreeing to it - surely the alternative wasn't preferable?

Secondly, I think SD needs some guidance from someone on having a bit of self-respect & learning how to say No when it comes to being pressured into sex.  I don't think it's unusual to give in to peer pressure at that age over this sort of thing, but she needs to be told that it's ok to say No.  I can understand the BM being upset if all she's hearing is her daughter crying hysterically, but obviously if SD is going to have sex it could be anywhere not just her bedroom.  My DS is only 4 so way too young for me to be dealing with this issue just yet but my gut feeling is that I would prefer him to be doing it under a safe roof rather than god knows where. Clearly that feeling could change over the next decade or so though.

I'm afraid this sounds to me like a normal teenage drama, unfortunately played out between two houses instead of just one.  I don't think anyone has done anything wrong, it's just a shame that SD felt she couldn't say No if she didn't want sex.

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I'm sorry but getting contraception for a young 15 year old is not sensible.  The age of consent is 16.  The boy who had sex with SD has broken the law, even if she gave her consent.  That is the bottom line.    There is more to worry about than pregnancy.  Chlyamidia is rife amongst teenagers and it can lead to infertility.  I hope therefore BM and OH advised that condoms should be the preferred contraception to protect against STIs and that as a secondary measure the girls contraception is to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

And BEFORE sex is even on the agenda and BEFORE contraception is issued, someone should have a pep talk with SD about learning to VALUE herself and how to say no. 

As for saying no one has done anything wrong, you are forgetting that the law has been broken.

I think that BM getting contraception for her 15 year old daugther is as good as saying "I approve of you having sex."  The boy no doubt knew SD was taking contraception so it is EASIER to persuade her into having sex.  Why else would she be using contra (Latin for "against") ception (pregnancy)?

SD has now lost her virginity and the experience has not been positive which can have lasting effects.  I only hope that word does not get round that SD is using contraception because she will need to learn to say NO a lot if she is not careful.  BM has put her young 15 year old in a vulnerable position in my opinion.  It is a real shame.

Liney, I have reported your post because it promotes underage sex.  This is an open forum and therefore available for the under-16s.  I think your post is irresponsible.

Lets be realistic here. How many teenagers wait until they are 16 years to have sex now? It may not be right, it may not be legal but it doesn't stop them from having sex. You can be as forceful as possible in proclaiming it's illegal but it will not stop teenagers from having sex.

As for the law being broken in this situation, the chance of the police actually charging anyone with rape is so low. They see this situation so many times. I mean, lets face it, the actual charges brought about a man who savagely raped a woman is a poor statistic in itself.

Britain is rife with unwanted teenage pregnancies and as much as a parent can tell their children not to have sex, sometimes the only option is to make them as safe as possible by having a contraception given to their teenager. The implant lasts 3 years and is efficient as they come. (99% and all that). How do you know the mother hadn't given her condoms? How do you know she didn't talk to her daughter about saying 'no'? You have been very presumptuous in your judgement of the mother immediately after the original one post.

I tend to disagree with you on the BM putting her daughter in a vulnerable position. The FATHER was the one who told the lad to go and then left them to it! If it was my daughter in her bedroom with a lad and with everything going off with contraception and the fact they are obviously thinking about having sex, would you leave them in her bedroom? I personally would escort the lad out of the house myself, say goodnight and lock up the house. This IMO is where bad judgement was made.

But of course, the father could of locked him out and whose to say the daughter would go and let him back in once they are in bed? Again the situation comes about that you can NEVER stop a 15 year old from having sex if she is adamant to do it. Peer pressure is a big thing and sometimes it overrules what any parent can advise. It's seen regularly in the news and in real life how teenagers succumb to peer pressure and do some awful terrible things.

In no part of Liney's post did she say it's acceptable for underage sex to happen or that it's legal. She basically said it's a normal teenage drama that happens now. Unless you would like to contradict all the underage sex reported in the papers of 13 year old fathers etc and all the statistics on teenage pregnancies. Plus Britain one of the worst countries for such matters, then she is spot on in her advice.

I'm sure by your standards, I am now promoting underage sex and I would like to state I am totally NOT promoting underage sex. I'm giving the facts of what is happening in this day and age whether it's illegal or not.

And BEFORE sex is even on the agenda and BEFORE contraception is issued, someone should have a pep talk with SD about learning to VALUE herself and how to say no.  "

Couldn't agree more.  However it seems this girl made it clear that she was going to have sex.  If it was my daughter I would prefer that she wasn't, however I wouldn't bury my head in the sand & say it's wrong therefore you can't do it as that kind of attitude to a teenager would pretty much guarantee they'd go ahead & do it anyway.

"Liney, I have reported your post because it promotes underage sex.  This is an open forum and therefore available for the under-16s.  I think your post is irresponsible"

I laughed out loud at that bit, but you're entitled to your opinion as are we all.  It's a shame you didn't read my post properly because I actually said the same as you - that it's a pity this girl wasn't strong enough to say No.  Happy to agree to disagree on the "promotion of under-age sex" issue because I found that comment ridiculous.

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