I need some advice for those of u who have teenage children....

My DD is nearly 12 and has just started High school, i wud normally describe her as a well rounded, mature loving young lady and i am very much proud of her.

That was until yesterday when the police turned up at my door...... It seems that on the first day i gave my DD the freedom to stay out for more than 1 hr before coming home she decided to get herself in a huge amount of trouble.

She and 3 other friends 1 of which i have banned her from hanging around with walked across our town to a local A road bridge and threw stones at passing cars! One car was hit but had no damage the other car that was hit has 10 dents and had to swerve to avoid the majority of the stones.

They were apprehended by the police and told that the police wud be visiting their parents later on that day, My DD came back and mentioned nothing to me about it, although clearly terrified as she had been acting strange all afternoon, when i queried if everything was ok she dismissed it saying she was 'just tired'

Now luckily for the children involved they aren't being charged with criminal damage and receiving a criminal record, however we have attend a meeting at our local town hall together with the other children, parents and the driver of the damaged car.

My advice is how do i punish this??? I want to make sure that she sees the extend of what she has done and how the events cud have easily turned out so much worse.

So far i have taken away every privilage i have given her, Makeup, Hair straighteners, Phone, Laptop, Music, Game consoles , TV etc. She has to stay in her room only allowing her out for mealtimes, toilet trips and school. I am accompanying her to and from school, she is of course grounded for the forseeable future, No clubs, trips and pocket money. Treats such as sweets, Juice etc are also banned. And i will be giving her tasks within the house to do each day over and above the requested one she does at tthe moment ( setting table, empting plates and putting in dishwasher, keeping her room tidy etc)

I am just not sure that this is enough or that it is too harsh??? I have considered contacting the school about it?? Seeing if there is a way they cud help??? I am worried that something is on her mind and she needs to talk about it, do i talk to her, a social worker?? a confidant at school?? Should i  illustrate how muh more severe the consequences cud have been with pictures, video clips?? 

At the moment i am just at a loss?? I am angry, disappointed and embarassed! I havent slept all night just going through it all in my head, is it my fault?? Did I not install good enough morals?? Is she too young to let her out without knowing exactly where she is at all times???

Does anyone have any advice??

Thanks in advance

Hi,

I dont know if my advice is of any help to you but I too have a DD who has just turned 12 that has developed the teenager attitude which I insist stops at the front door when she comes home from school, she is a model student and in my opinion would never get into trouble, saying that parents really dont know what goes on in their kids minds.  I am and will openly admit to being a protective mother, not the type that smothers the child so they cant do anything but one that tells them the dangers and consequences of actions.  I like to think she listens but who knows, so far with what you have said in your punishment I would of done the same, I would of asked her why being such a sensible child who she do such a thing, possibly this will be a one off which your DD and the Police being involved might be the scare to sway her from doing any other such activities.

I hope I have helped in someway.

best wishes

Liz

Hi

I think the meeting with the car driver should have some impact upon her, he may explain how frightened and dangerous it was. She also needs an opportunity to apologise to him. Will the car repairs need paying for by the parents of the children? can she earn money from the extra chores to pay for this?

Have you spoke to her about what she did and why, you also need to explain that she could have hurt people and even caused a crash which  may have led to people dying. Also that she didn't tell you before the police came is worrying, do you communicate about other things?

I think we all have these moments where it all seems to fall apart, you have to do what you think is right.  I would make sure she knows what date she can have her privalleges back or she will loose all hope. I wouldn't restrict juice or food, these are her rights not treats.

I would be wary of telling school what she has done as they will view her differently from therin. You are her mother and love her, they don't. You wouldn't want this incident to affect the rest of her life. Also the same for a social worker.  Let her learn her lesson and move on.

Is she too young to not know where she is all the time? probably, she's proved she can't be trusted at the moment and needs to earn that trust back. The extra housework is good, she needs to make amends in a way that she is able.

My thoughts are with you, it does sound a worrying time for you. It will pass soon and be a distant memory.

Caroline x