Ive realised something today that i need to talk over with someone.I seperated from my emotionally abusive husband 8 years ago,he had a foul temper,was very much a jekyll and hyde character that left me totally drained and exhausted,i had severe postnatal depression with both my children through which he hardly spoke to me,when i had our second children he sat in the hospital literally seething with anger,eventually i found out he was having an affair with a woman at work and had brought her to our house while i was away and slept with her in our bed while the children were there,i was recovering from the pnd still.When we we were splitting up he lied his way through relate and if i wanted to talk to him i had to make an appointment at home which he was give me an allotted time to speak.At one point he tried to strangle me and refused to leave and moved mydaughter out of her bedroom so he could stay in there.Evenetually my solicitor got him out but the last 8 years have been horrible really because even tho i no longer with me i have suddenly rrealised the emotional abuse is still going on and im gobsmacked i just cannot believe it,that ive let it go on so long but to be honest i have no idea how to handle him,he still frightens me even tho there has been no physical threats but he still treats me like dirt.Alot of people say im very lucky that he has the children every weekend and that he pays me a fair amount of money  in maintenance but this means he can use these things against me still.He throughs a fit about any money i spend that he finds out about,constantly undermines me through the children,we have been through phases that they dont eat enough or the right food,that they smell,that they should be having a bath everyday,that they dont use deodorant,buying them clothes because the things i buy are 'naff' and not good enough quality.,that i dont do enough homework with them,i have been unwell since feb with a back problem and had to close my business down,the last few weeks ive been in agony and when i asked him for help he hsouted"what do u want me to do about it"and so on then said i hope you arent letting the childrens education suffer because of your illness.The children have been helping in the house while ive been bedbound,my eldest is 13 and she has been cooking some simple dinners and my boy who is ten has been making me cups if tea,theiur dad told them this weekend he is not happy about them doing this?But i feel it is good for them,alot of children do this and  my daughter is very sensible and does cooking at school?I was fretting like mad all over this earlier and then suddenly it hit me.............this mental abuse is still going on...........alll these years........im not imagining it am i?Am i being oversensitive?Its still there isnt it?Ok it may not be every day like it used to be but its still there,my self esteem is still so low and ive been thinking why rn't i over all this now but now ive realised why because its still going on,what on earth do i do?

Please help Ali

I am very concerned about the lack of support on here for what is a very harrowing subject,i wrote a heartfelt email two days ago and there has been no replies,i myself have replied to another psoeter who feels exactly the same?What has happened?

Ali

Hi,

Please contact you local Women's Aid and see what emotional support they can give to you.   The will give you lots of unbiased options.  The man is the father of your children and has a right to see them but then again what sort of father is he if he is making you so nervous and miserable and what good is that for the mental welfare of the children.  These men are controllers and will control you in any way that they can and for you its not mental abuse which will in time grind you down. 

Personally, I would want to leave and get as far away from him as possible but I am not in your shoes.  Please get some professional support and review what all your options are.

Good luck