Hello,

I'll try to keep my post as brief as i can, but would really like some feedback on my situation please.

I've been with my partner for 3 years now, and in most of that time i have been abused by him. Mainly emotional abuse, always keepin tabs on me, accusein me of cheating, making me believe my family dont love me, even taking to my kids like shit. The only time where it wasnt so much of an issue was when i was pregnant with our son. My son is now 7 months old and in the last few months he has started again. And if i'm honest i'm deverstated as i thought things had finally settled down and that we would be leading a more normal realtionship. Obviously i was wrong.

When i was pregnant I decided that i was going to move out of our joint home and live in a new home a good distance away from him with my children, but he ended up moving himself in with me. And is still here now.

But i cannot go on in my life like this anymore. Its not fair on me or my kids anymore we have been thru enuff because of him and i see the effect he is having on my children and i really dont like it.

 Just reciently i have been confiding in a lovely man about my situation and he suggests i get rid of my man as its all wrong, which i already knew, and things are starting to grow strongly between us, so i'm starting to think seriously about ending my r/ship with current partner. Just speaking to this guy who doesnt live that far away from me about things is making me see there is a way out of all this and possibly a new start with him.

My only conerns about all of this is that my partner always said that he would kill me and whoever i end up with if i left and that he would take our son off me and i will never see him again! How do i go about leaving?

Do i just come clean, say ive met someone new and we are over and see what happens after then? or do sort some sort of security out to stop him from hurting me or taking my son before? I dont want to do anything behind his back, but i feel i have no choice as there is just no reasoning. I think i would have enough to maybe take him to court to keep him away from us, but how do i go about that while hes still here. He has no care for what the authorites say or do.

Help

If you are worried about your safety and that of your children, the last thing you need to worry about is going behind his back.  He's abusing you and your kids, he doesn't treat you with any respect at all so doesn't deserve any respect in return.   You need to think of yourself and the kids first and, harsh as it might sound, forget about his feelings - he's not worth your concern and you have to harden yourself to him. I think you need professional help to make sure you can get away as safely as possible.  Womens Aid have a really good website and confidential helpline where you can talk to a professional in confidence about your options, and they should be able to help you plan your escape.  Many local areas have their own domestic violence organisations, run either by the council or local voluntary groups and it's worth seeing what's available in your area, as they could also offer you the practical and emotional support you'll need to escape and start again.   It's very unlikely he'll ever get custody of your son.  He's got a history of abusing you and the children, has threatened to kill you and any new partner and no court would ever view that as acceptable behaviour.  He's using your son as a threat to intimidate you and keep you under his control, and I think you need to get some legal advice as soon as possible.

You and your kids don't deserve to be treated like this and I hope you can escape to a happy new life soon.

Good luck