i just wanted to see where you are now, im having simular situation, my daughter is 6 so i have to handle all the questions which is a nightmare, husband moved out to live with friends amonth ago, he comes every oher night to see D, which is hard coz he is in our house stays for dinner, sometimes i have to remind myself that he will be leaving when she is in bed and it brings it all rushing back to me with a big slap in the face

i too want my husband back and everything you said in this post totally sounded like it was me writing it, i to cant watch telly anmore, i look around our house and see the furniture we brought together, pictures everything....its the home we made for our family.

i have taken to sitting in the garden with a bottle of wine, even though it is now freezing!! my daughter is starting to have problems, nightmares, tummy aches, i know its coz she is stressed by the situation......i cried infront/with her the other night and i hate myself for it. i have made her relise the faers in her head are true and live with never be the same.

each night he come rnd, i hope to see his bags in his hand and that he will be coming home....he never dose.

he has told our daughter he is looking for a flat so she will have to homes to stay at, he told her this before he could tell me we was over.

he still wants us to take her out and do things together with her, i said i cant do it, its not fair on me or her.....its all good till he leaves again and im left with the questions

i am now trying to distance myself from him, for my own sanity. he is coming tonight and i will go round a friends til he puts her to bed, then i will ask him to leave. i cant stand the way he hoovers round the door way like her wants to hold me, sometimes i ask for a hug and he gives me one and holds me so tight i cant breath.....but then he leaves leaving me confused and lonely.

i really hope things have moved forward in a positive way for you? please feel free to contact me on here or on email, we coud be there for eachother

take care xx

Hello TB

I followed your post with great interest although I never posted personally.  Your post really did strike a chord with me and I often wondered how you were getting on once you stopped posting (although I understand why you did stop posting)..

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry to hear you are still struggling.  I have been in a similar situation and it really is like a black hole that you've fallen into and you are just desperately trying to claw your way out of it.  The fear and hurt are crippling.  As you say, there's no quick route unfortunately..  Although there are things you can do to help the process along it's still a long process that you need to go through and there are no short cuts.  Everything can feel bleak and pointless but you will gradually feel better and have more good days than bad - I promise you that.

I have so much respect for you and how you have coped with two small children.  You should be proud of yourself, really you should.

Take care of yourself

xxxxxxxx

Hi Tiredbunny,

I must admit, I haven't read all the thread but I'm really sad to hear you're still feeling down. My husband and I split up 11 years ago and I was a single parent with two small children.  Many of his actions were incredibly selfish.  11 years on and he's only spoken to my son (18 this month) twice this year and not at all since June.  He's also not paid any maintenance for the last 8 years. 

What I'm trying to say is some (and before I get shot down in flames I mean SOME!) men, just seem to be able to switch off their capacity to be paternal once they've left the family home.  My mum always used to say that I'd have to be both my childrens parents as he obviously wasn't going to play the part.  He abandoned them years ago financially and unfortunately, he's done what I always knew he'd do and abandoned them emotionally as well.  He's shown no interest in their schooling and didn't even ask how my son did in his AS Levels this year.  He has no idea.

Anyway, having been a single parent, I know exactly what you're going through.  I was actually depressed for a year or so afterwards (although didn't recognise it at the time) and it was my decision to end the marriage, therefore, I can't imagine what you're going through with regards to the emotional pain you feel at your marriage ending through his choice.

If you're on Anti D's, I strongly recommend you go and see your doctor and see if you can possibly get them changed as I don't think they're working at the moment.   Also, try and remember that the part you're going through at the moment is one of the worst parts, you're dealing with all the fall out and the legal stuff.  Once this is over, you will feel able to move on whereas at the moment, you're sat there in the middle of it all and it's not surprising you feel so awful.

It is heart breaking to watch the father of his children to behave like this, I totally agree but it's unlikely that he'll ever take responsibility for doing so.  My ex is also incredibly, inherently selfish and therefore, it's not within his capability to take responsibility for his own actions - everything that happens in his life is always someone else's fault.  Unfortunately, that's what selfish people do.

An exercise that always worked for me was to try and envisage where I saw myself in a year's time, two years time etc etc....I saw myself as fabulous, single mum, bringing her children up in the best way, happy and financially independent.  I had some extremely wobbly moments but it did help to try and focus on the future as opposed to feeling I was stuck in quicksand.  I wanted to feel happy and I wanted to feel as though I'd acheived successfully being a single parent.  I look back now and I think I just about managed it and also, my life has completely changed from what it was. 

I really, really hope you feel better soon hun.

Lots of love,

S xx