Ok so my partner tells me i am his world blah blah blah and everything seemed great. He has made me feel so complete.
BUT..... when we first got together i saw he was a member of a website called fabswingers. I confronted him and asked if he had any intentions of meeting them. He said no and that he had deleted his account.
I since found out he did delete the account i knew about!! but is still a member. So again confronted him and he said he will stop using it, it is just me and him and thats all he wants. But i have seen on his computer history he is still using it!!!!
I want to say something but all he will throw back is i am checking up on him and have no trust.
I am insecure and i have been cheated on before.
I dont know if he has actually met anyone or is planning to.
I tried to join website and catch him out but he looks on the router to see every website i visit. especially as he is a truck driver and away normally 2 nights a week.I believe he is just as insecure as me but this is making me feel very unattractive and lo self esteem that he doesnt appear to be happy with me and is looking elsewhere.
I have a rare nerve condition and at the moment it has flared up and i am struggling to dress wash hair etc so he is having to help me. He says he doesnt mind and he is there to support me and i shouldnt get so frustrated. but because i know he is still on this site and with the way i am at the moment this is really not helping me.

I am upset and depressed but he just thinks this is because of my situation. Think he honestly thinks i believe he has stopped using this site. He normally deletes history etc. but he has now got a notebook to take with him when he is away and says this is to help my insecurities so that i can see he is on his own, but it is not going to help because i know what he is really going to be doing.

I really dont know what to do head is all over the place.

Thanks for letting me rant.x

Hiya,

I do feel for you cos this is obviously distressing for you and can see why.

However just because he's into swinging it doesnt mean he's going to cheat on you behind your back. What does concern me though is it does seem that swinging, or an interest in it, is certainly a part of his life that he's not willing to give up so maybe the bigger question here is: Do you think this is something you can learn to ignore or do you think that maybe your not compatable in the "bedroom department".

IMHO i dont think its fair to try and get somebody to change who they are because then they are not the same person who you met and fell in love with. Lets put it another way, if he told you he didnt like the way you dresses, would you change in order to meet his ideas?

He shouldnt have lied to you though, but the fact he did suggests to me that swinging is a big deal to him

Beth xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Ladycheekz and welcome to the board.

As far as I know, swinging is something a person does with the consent and/or involvement of his/her partner; otherwise it's just a euphemism for cheating. If he made it clear when you met that he intended to have sex with other people/couples and you decided you still wanted a relationship with him, fair enough. From what you've written though, that's not the case.

If he's sh*gging around without your knowledge, then he's cheating so how do you feel about being cheated on? In your shoes, aside from the emotional aspects, I'd be very concerned for my sexual health.

I can't see why anyone would want to be on a swingers site unless they have an intention of swinging and given that you've been told you're an exclusive partner, he's either cheating or intending to cheat.

Love,

Thank you for your responses.
It was not something i was aware of when we first got together.
He knows i know and yet has carried on. I have fears anyway because at the moment having lost use of right arm i am having to depend on him. Aswell as deal with the anger and frustration of arm i have to deal with this too.

I have sat here and said to him why be with me when he can have someone else. He tells me how he is here for me and always will be. i mean the world to him. Seems to be so good with words. But then today...Wrongly i went through his phone... There was mesgs on there to another woman. her asking when he was going to be somewhere and him making "sexual" comments. He is away with work tonight until friday.. at least i think thats where he is. The thing is i also know he has lied to her.
I have wanted to contact her but have held back... want to confront him but scared to.

I love him so much and dont actually know if he has or is going to do anything.

I really dont know where my head is at the moment

xxxx

Hey...
I think you should confront your husband. You said that its also having an impact on your health. No guy is worth your life. Better confront him about the website visits as well as the text messages. IMO, you should take control of your life, try to get better and also, get clarity on the situation with your husband, If necessary, move out. It would be better for you. After all, its you that matters the most.

Hope things work out well for you and you get well soon.