Dear All,

Not posted for absolute ages - been very busy with getting myself together...

It's nearly 3 years since the 'bomb' dropped and I think I have come a long way in all that time.  I have resumed my career and successful it has been (won a business award in the summer), and got myself together financially as I need that back up just in case!  Things are not great between us although he tells me how much I mean to him almost everyday but my trust in him has still a long way to go and I don't think I'll ever trust him 100% again.  It's odd how I can feel love and hate at the same time towards him and I hope that will pass with time.

Now comes the Pot, kettle, black bit....

Once a week I meet up with friends for a drink and intelligent chatter.  My DH has met all my friends as he sometimes comes along for the social and we also socialise with them on other occasions.  Last week, as usual on a Wednesday, I met up with my friends and during 1 hour, my DH tries to call me which totals 5 times.  He knows where I am and who I am with!  Then to make to take it further, he calls our DD to tell her where I am and to turn up.  So, my DD turns up on his instructions!  I actually felt quite annoyed because I felt that I am not the one to be trusted.

Fine, I don't bring it up but the following night my DH is going out but has no idea where the venue is????  I ask him that morning where he is going and with whom (my trust is still wobbly), I get an angry outburst and told to 'F off' and he drives off to work.  I get to work to find an e mail saying sorry.  However, I bring it up with him and he tell's me that I should be able to trust him 100% which is why he became so angry.

What do you all think?

Thanks

Bexie

Hiya,

Honestly? i think he's being defensive! And he's jealous cos he's judging you by his own standards! It seems a bit odd and suspicious that he should not tell you where he's going and then tell you to f off!

bethxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Bexie,

It's lovely to hear from you :-)

When you ask what we think, do you mean whether or not he can be trusted? I wasn't quite clear from what you wrote on what you wanted opinions on. Sorry if I'm being a bit thick!

Love,

Hi ME,

I guess what I am trying to ascertain is, am I looking at the red flag situation again?  It seems really strange to me that something who claims to be a reformed person can behave like that.  Or with behaviour like that, how can I ever trust him 90% + if there is nothing in it.  I think maybe this his way of punishing me for not trusting him completely.

Bexie

Hi Bexie,

He sounds quite controlling to me; checking up on you and then going into "attack" mode when you question him. I think it's about him wanting to hold the balance of power in the relationship rather than an indication that he's cheating again.

Has he always been controlling?

Love,