Hi there

I have worked for the Police for 10 years this September. I will be 57 in August.  I envisaged I would stay with the Police until I retired.  I have been bullied by 2 colleagues for the last 18 months. 

The office changed 2 years ago from 3 women & 7 men to 5 women 5 men.  My circumstances changed 12 months previously to this.  My husband left me.  Colleagues supported me through a messy divorce. 

These 2 ladies became very close 18 months ago. 

I am a very quite person getting on with my job, a little older than the other ladies, money became tight as it does when circumstances change.  Then I found these 2 ladies did not include me in conversations.  Screens were put up.  I was never asked if I had a good holiday, weekend or day off.  I tried to join in with conversations. bit dismissed with a yes or no.  It has been so awful.  The 5 men who work shift work, are great and good fun, but I was in the office mainly with these 2 women who for some reason or other decided they didn't want to talk or include me.  I asked them separately if I had upset them or they had a problem with me, the said no, but clearly with their response they had.  I talked to my line manager who has been seconded out office for the last 8 months, but he did nothing.   He did say Jane said she could talk to whoever she wanted to whenever she wanted to. 

His resplacement only came down to us once a month, so I couldn't talk to him. It has been so awful for me and after such a traumatic breakdown of my marriage I can't stand it any longer I have resigned.  I know I don't deserve to be treated in this way, but I just cannot stand it any more. I have no fight left in me. 

Fortunately I have another job starting soon, but I have put my pension at risk, my future at risk.  They will get away with treating me like s**t.  They are also treating 2 of the men in a similar way, but men are so much stronger.  My only consolation is my exit interview when I will say exactly why I have left a good job with a good pension.  I am so hurt and upset words fail me, but I still can not work in such an environment.  Thanks for listening.  Jackie

Hi Jackie,

Im sorry to hear that you feel the need to leave your job because of this.

to be honest i think that your boss was correct, the ladies dont appear to be bullying you, they do not have to include you in conversations, it just be that they dont feel they can get on with you in that way.

It doesnt make it any less hurtful though, i understand that.

You dont say how you still get on with the other staff? do they feel that you are being seperated from the two woman? why did you find it hard to continue even with the original staff along side?

being forced into leaving your position can, in some circumstances, be seen as constructive dismissal though Im not sure that this would.  Your new line manager, regardless of how often you see them, should still be spoken to about any grievances you have so that they are given the chance to sort out the problem and ensure every at work is happy.

I hope that your other colleagues are supporting you and advising you too.

Hi Nicola

Thanks for your reply.  My post was only a brief description of what has been happening. 

There are loud comments, like "the atmosphere in the office is so different when someone is here" or "how nice it is when someone is not here".  The 2 ladies who  have a problem with me have put a screen up and have made a girlie corner where there is a lot of whispering followed by loud laughter.  They make loud rude unkind comments about people in other offices.  I know that the 4 men in the office are not comfortable with this and have told the line manager who has done nothing.  

1 of the men told me that the other members of staff could see what was happening to me.  He thought it was to do with my divorce and that when Jane holds a grudge she doesn't ever back down and will hold that grudge for ever.  I get on well with the other members of staff.

My husband left me 3 1/2 years ago I started to see someone a few months after he left me.  About 2 years ago Jane told me it was on the rebound and that I should being seeing lots of other men. I would be very lucrative to any man and any man would want me after my divorce settlement (I would have my own house with no mortgage) so I stopped telling her anything about my private life.  This also coincided with my line manager deciding I needed to know some of her work.  I am 2 grades lower than her.  She told me I shouldn't be doing it as I wasn't on the same grade as her.  This woman also told me if I got offered another job I should take it as nothing was certain where I worked and anyone could do my job. 

This man is now my partner.  I know he loves me.  He is kind and generous, he makes me laugh.  He is my rock, soulmate, friend and lover. 

It is not easy being excluded when there are only 5 or 6 of us in.  These 2 women hold animated conversations with colleagues who sit opposite and beside me and ignore me completely.  I feel extremely foolish and useless.  I am totally intimidated by these 2 woman.  I am so hurt by their behaviour, I know I don't deserve it.  I simply have had enough.   Believe me there are many other incidents I could tell you about.  They are both very controlling, manipulative women.  I wouldn't stand a chance if I took it any further.  Once again thanks. Jackie

Hi

Exclusion is part of bullying. You were right to leave. It would of escalated to trivial fault finding, nit picking, undermining and eventually you would of been worn down. Your health would of been effected.

Believe me, I've been there.

I resigned last week and it took me many years to realise what was going on.

Good luck.