Mum is getting worse, no revelation there I know but I don't know what to do next.

I have to stay living here with her for twelve months in order to remain in the future so I can't find her a permanent home but the way things are right now if I didn't have to stay I would be seriously considering a home.

She breaks into the fridge and takes food, she sits by the door shouting for help to be let out, she has phoned the police and got them to come out to her. One time they let her out when I had nipped to the shops and another time I was in bed and got up to find them on the doorstep. I explained she had dementia and they checked with her that she was ok... what if she had said she wasn't or made some claim about me ?

She goes into day care one day a week but I am at my wits end with her and need more help.

I don't know what I am entitled to ask for and have already had one letter from social services about our financial situation which I didn't feel I had completed well enough but got information to send back with the form. While waiting for the information to arrive that I could send on to social services I received a letter asking for £350 for the time mum was in the home while I was in hospital.

I don't think I need to pay this but can't be sure. I don't know if the letter I received is now not relevant as I've sent in the forms to the social services finance dept.

I am afraid to ask for more help because I can't afford it but don't know what I'm entitled to. I feel like walking away, just shutting the door and leaving it all behind, leaving her shouting and spreading food everywhere and wearing everything in her wardrobe.

It's too much.

Hugs
Owly x

From Owly x

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."

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Hiya

Not sure how much practical help I can give but wanted to say huge hugs xxx My partner was in a similar situation with his mum for about a year before we had to resort to a home (she put a plastic tupperware pot of food in oven and nearly set house on fire) She had a carer that used to come in for a couple of hours on a morning which was free. 

Contact citizens advice bureau for advice they will be able to help on the financial front

Ask for help, we are all only human!!!

Emma x

Thank you Emma,
It's always good to have someone who has heard and been there willing to offer support.

I contacted Crossroads Care and a local organisation called Helplink. I wasn't up to phoning them as I knew I was so stressed I would take it in and if they'd been nice to me I'd have cried. So I emailed them both instead but haven't had a reply so far.

I felt good about contacting them and managed to have a break last night while my bf was decorating the house Mum and I live in, so he was around to keep an eye on mum while I went out to see my Brother and SIL. I had a great night, sitting, chilling out and talking. Did me good but I was shattered when I got home.

So I don't feel so bad today. Will see if I get a response to those emails today and if not then I'll phone them next week.

I must pluck up courage to talk to the social worker too. I don't like asking for things I can't pay for and I know they can help with things but it still feels wrong somehow and yet I know I'd be advising other to contact them.

What I'm afraid of as usual is that if I get stressed I won't be able to take in what is being said. I know one of the places I emailed is near here. I wonder if I could drop in with my bf as he'd remember what they said if I didn't.

Can sympathise with your partner over the dish in the oven. Luckily Mum knows she doesn't know how to use things so doesn't try. Unfortunately it means she tries to eat a lot of things cold when they aren't meant to be eaten cold. She does wash up with cold water too and I tell her to leave the dishes for me.

Thank you so much for listening to me and the hug.

Hugs
Owly x

From Owly x

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."

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Hiya

Yeah she tried on numerous occassions to eat frozen food too!  We also had incidents where she thought the 1471 woman was me and her screaming abuse to the messenger thinking I was keeping her away from Alan - its such a cruel disease!  I had similar issues asking for help with Amy and did break down into tears on a couple of occassions which told me in a backwards kinda way that it was the right decision as I was so desperate. 

Glad you are feeling more positive

Emma

Hi,
Yep, Mum has tried to phone her own mother (who never had a phone in her life) by dialing the number she knows which is her own number, so she either gets an engaged signal or the messenger butting in which irritates Mum.

Yesterday Mum wouldn't eat her tea because she thought I'd put something in it to poison her. Well she didn't say it was me, she thinks there are two of me and it was the other one who she thought had put something in her meal.

Have someone to contact tomorrow so will see how that goes. Still not heard from Crossroads. I don't have a lot of faith in them as a support for carers... well not round here anyway.

I remember ringing them for help and them saying they didn't think they could help me in ways I had requested. I then quoted cl-bllue on here who had armed me with information and when I did that they said "oh well we might be able to do something"... well why did it take me having to quote a little bit of extra knowledge before they'd be willing to help ?

That's not helping carers in my book and I've kind of been reluctant to use them ever since. The fact they haven't replied to my email doesn't surprise me. They give me the impression they don't do a tap unless you know exactly what they should do and can tell them.

Had to keep Mum off the paintwork yesterday. I'm decorating the hall, stairs and landing.
As if things weren't tiring enough hey ? lol

Hope you're having a good weekend.

Hugs
Owly x

From Owly x

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."

CL on :-

Coping with Depression

Overcoming Stress

Paranormal Experiences

Astrology & You

Carers & Cared For