Hi all,

Just came over to  introduce myself on this board as I feel I'm going to need your wisdom over the coming months!  My name is Kerry, I'm 25, married to my DH for nearly 5yrs and we have 2 children under 3yrs.

The reason i find myself on this board is that my Dh was critically injured in Afghanistan (he is in the forces) 11 weeks ago and lost his legs above the knees, shattered his pelvis and has various other injuries too.  No-one thought that he would make it out of Critical Care but 11 weeks on he is now at home on 2 weeks leave before starting his rehab.

We came home last Friday and to be honest I've been feeling soo overwhelmed I don't know where to start!  We also moved into a new house last week which is big enough to accomodate DH's needs and it's about 3 times the size of our old quarter which means simple things like housework take 3 times as long now!  I also have 2 young children to care for as well as DH to run around after and do his care.  My day seems to revolve around nappies, stoma bags and catheters at the moment!!lol

Don't get me wrong i'm soo thrilled to have Dh home it's just the reality dosen't fit the dream.  I was expecting it to be hard but nowhere close to what I'm feeling right now.  On top of everything else I don't think I have really dealt with the situation myself yet and I keep reliving the knock on the door and time spnt in Critical Care, none of which I want to burden Dh with but at the same time I need time to cry and grieve for things.

Hopfully some of you will ahve some advice to help me deal with my new reality,

Kerry xxx

Proud Mummy to.....

 

 

 

Hi Kerry

So sorry to hear about what you are going through, I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you.

I have never been in such a situation so can't think I can be of much help.

I do think however that what you are going through, and I realise the burden must be horrendous, no matter how thrilled you are to have him home, that he must have all sorts of thoughts going through his head also. Have the two of you had time to sit together and talk through how you both feel or had any time on your own?

Is there any outside help that you can get by way of a nurse to come in and take over some of the work, or a carer to help with the everyday stuff like bathing him. I am sorry I am not much help and I don,t know where to go in order to get it either but I was so overwhelmed by your post that I had to say something, hopefully some other members may have some practical advice for you.

Do you have any family or close friends that can spend a couple of hours a week helping you out? You do need time to grieve and if that means having a good old cry when he and the children are asleep, then do it and don't feel bad and talk to anyone who will listen, maybe your doctor can suggest something to help you, do post on here whenever you need to as well.

Keep strong, and I also want to say that I really do admire him and his fellow soldiers for the work they do, I am just so sorry that he is one of our casualties. Thinking of you. x

Hello Kezallabump and welcome to the board,
I can identify with how you're feeling as my Mum was in hospital recently after breaking her hip and I've had to cope with her back home again and I felt like I was thrown in the deep end a bit when she was about to come home and afterwards while I got used to her new needs.

So I can understand you wondering where to begin and feeling overwhelmed. If you are in the UK then you might be able to get some respite from your little ones by making use of Home Start. http://www.home-start.org.uk/needsupport/need_support

I think that if you can learn new ways of organising yourself in the new house it might help. One method I have is to have a carrier bag on the handle of the doors and put things in there that belong in other rooms and then when I go off to do the other rooms I take that bag with me and unload whatever things I can into the right places.

I don't expect you've had time to breathe and think about your own needs much with doing so much for others. You do need that time to cry and release your own pressure.
If you can, try to shut yourself into the toilet or somewhere where your DH can't hear you and let it out.

Have you become your husband's official carer ? I mean have you had a carer's assessment done or found yourself a social worker to help you with your needs ?

Is the new house fitted with the requirements your husband needs ? These can be requested via your social worker.

You are more than welcome to come and offload and ask for support here anytime at all.

Hugs
Owly x

From Owly x

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."

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Hi Mum43,
I completely agree with you about the need to cry. I have gone around for ages knowing I could do with a good old cry and not been able to and then something will set me off that normally wouldn't and it really helps.

Being able to sleep well also helps. Unfortunately when we are looking after anyone else we tend to cut corners and if we are worried it makes it worse as we can't sleep even when we are shattered.

Having someone to turn to who can help lighten the load makes a difference too. It can be hard to ask though can't it and yet the people would be happy to help I am sure.

Hugs
Owly x

From Owly x

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."

CL on :-

Coping with Depression

Overcoming Stress

Paranormal Experiences

Astrology & You

Carers & Cared For