Hey Clueless

Welcome back to the board hunni, I'm glad to hear you were moving on from your bf and starting to rebuild your life. This is a good step in the right direction :)

As for this other guy, well to be honest I think your friend is right in that at the
time you did think he was single and thing's only happened because of this, you thought you were both free to be able to have the friends with benefit's type of relationship.

If this was still the case of you both being single then I would say go for it but now
you know he has a gf, this has obviously put you off it happening again, I would leave
him to work things out with his gf for now and see what happens there, as he said,
things between them might not work out anyway so if you still feel like you would be
able to continue from where you left off before then so be it.

You could of course carry on seeing him knowing full well that he has a gf now but
given you feel/felt so bad about it in the first place then I really don't think you
would even consider this but just to warn you of the dangers mentally and physically
of getting involved with someone else's bf/mm take a look at the my affair board as
this gives a good indication at how low you really feel during an affair.

They say over there no contact is usually the best way to go if you are trying to
forget somebody so if you think this may benefit you and help you to move on then I
would initiate this, give him the reason why if you want but be clear that nothing
will be happening until he is properly single and doesn't have other dates going on.

I hope you manage to keep up the good work and move on from this, as to me its just a
blip in the road to recovery and you will find someone who is worthy of your love and
who will treat you with far more respect than this person has so far.

With much love and hugs
Jen.xxx

 
Cl on Confessions Corner , Mum's Club May 08 , and Mum's Due Nov 09 

Well, I decided just to speak to him about it properly and basically said that although we were having a very casual relationship, we were friends for a long time before that, and that I didn't appreciate finding out about him seeing his ex again from someone else, he could have just said!!!... He apologised but said that he was a bit confused about things because would like to "date" me but as that's not something I want right now, he's giving things a go with his GF. Fair enough.

Therefore, we are back to just being friends and I said I'd prefer we just kept our distance for a bit so that we don't fall into easy traps... So not exaclty no contact, because he's still my friend first and foremost, but I'm making sure I don't put myself in tempting situations.

So, back to being a complete singleton! I feel a bit disappointed as I was content with what we had but at least I got out early before things got even more complicated than they are already...

x

Hi Clueless,

i agree with whats already been said in that you have no reason to feel guilty and the fact that you are backing off so as not to hurt his gf feelings is really decent and sweet of you : )

The only thing that i did think strange was the fact that your friend had said he wanted to date you, but being as you werent interested he thought he'd try things with his ex. why did it have to be one of you or the other? does he have a problem being single? And if he liked you enough to want to date you then whats he doing with this other girl? I would consider that being emotionally unfaithful, she'd be gutted if she knew she was second best.

I think you come across as a very dignified and kind hearted girl and have nothing to feel guilty about

Beth x