Hello ladies,

I have so many problems/issues right now & am not sure where to start. I wasn't sure whether to separate the issues up & post them on more relevant boards, but they're so intertwined that I don't think I can.

I'll try to be brief & explain things fully.

Firstly, my husband & I separated a year ago, after 14 years together (I'm 32) & there isn't any nastiness between us. The reason for the split is very sad, but nobody's 'fault'. We both have new partners of around 9 mths. Very soon, I know, (& with hindsight, I'd never have got involved with anybody until I'd grieved for my marriage)though my partner was my best friend (male) previously.

Anyway, we have a mortgage together, but I live in the property & am paying everything, as he has his own place to rent now, & we are in negative equatity. He is happy to sign the property over to me (he earns a lot of money & isn't bothered about making any money on it in the future)but my health is very poor. I have fibromyalgia, Benign Hypermobile Joint Syndrome, Crohn's Disease, Spondylolythesis & have just been diagnosed with depression. Anyway, I've always worked full-time, have always had a career, while studying other qualifications, & have always been a real type A & have battled to get on with life, despite being in constant pain, but my health is now taking a real dose dive & I'm hardly ever at work now. My sick pay has now all been used up (they've been amazing)& I'm only getting SSP for the days I have off & it looks like I may need to give up working altogether. If this happens, I won't be able to pay the mortgage & the bank wouldn't let me take it on, on my own right now, as they need to see 3 recent payslips to assess whether I could afford the mortgage on my own, but obviously my recent pay has been terrible. I have a lodger, but even with her, it's not enough.

My husband won't let me sign the flat over to him in case he ever has a spell where there isn't a tenant! Now, he tells me last night that he's paying £200 a month of his brother's mortgage while he's struggling & while I don't feel he should 'support' me, part of me feels that we're still married & he admits if it hadn't been without my support, he'd never be in the work position he's in now, while I face a life of benefits after having a reasonably comfortable life together, which we BOTH worked for. I didn't challenge him on this. I can't bear confrontation.

He would take it on only if I stayed here with my lodger, but even once we're divorced, & I no longer have a stake in the property, I've been told by officials that legislation says that because I USED to own the property, I'd not be entitled to any Housing Benefit to pay the rent, so I'd have to move out.

So we've decided, last night, to get it valued & if we can get a certain figure for it, we'll not owe the bank anything. IF we don't get that offer, I don't know what will become of me, except for repossession, which affect us both, while his name's on the mortgage.

My current partner has 2 more years left on his fixed term, 100% mortgage with his housemate, so as much as he wants us to move in together (I'm not I'm quite ready for it right NOW, but it does feature as a possible in my plans, but I'm still smarting from my marriage breakdown), he's unable to yet, as if they sold up, they'd lose money. He could rent out his half of his house, but his nutter of a dog has done so much damage & him & his housemate have lived like 'Men Behaving Badly' for 3 years & the house would need at least a couple of grand spent on it for somebody to want to pay rent, which he doesn't have.

Even if we COULD move in together, his dog is a nightmare & I have three elderly, nervous cats. He needs a behaviourist for his dog, but can't afford this either. We're both devoted to our animals & there's no option to get any of them rehomed. I can't have children & would rather die than be parted from my furry babies!

If we can get the flat sold, it'd mean I'd lose my foot on the property ladder, would have to try to find a rental place (my lodger would move with me) with the three cats, with a garden, ground floor & I'd then probably give up my job finally & try to return to college to do something that may be possible with my health limits, but maybe I'm just kidding myself. I've applied for DLA, but they turned me down.

At the weekend, because of worrying about all this for a year, grieving for my marriage breakdown (it's suddenly hit me), having second thoughts about my partner (I can explain if need be, but I feel I've typed too much)& being in constant pain, having counselling for issues that happened as a child & the anniversary of my brother's suicide coming up (4 years ago), I finally broke down, self-harmed (not done that for years) & felt extremely suicidal.

I don't know what I'm hoping for, but mainly practical advice if I'm missing anything that I can't see for the black cloud that's on my head?

I feel a bit better for getting it out at least, though have probably missed out lots of vital information!

SB x