How do you deal with feelings of jealousy?

I'm seeing a new girl, and although we've been really close for more than a year (like b/f and g/f really) It's only been in the last month that I could really say that we're actually together. But oddly since that time it's actually felt like we've been not as close as we had been before. And subsequently feelings of jealousy have been creeping in for me. Wondering what her feelings are for me now. And constantly getting jealous about other guys. Even when I can see that that this is ridiculous. It only takes the slightest comment from her and my blood runs cold sometimes, thinking the worst! Arggghhh!!!

It's not helping that she teases me sometimes about liking other guys. Which I then get annoyed about, and she doesn't seem too impressed that I am getting jealous. Says there is no reason to be.
Problem is, I'm probably just the same, teasing her about other girls. But I like to think that I am constantly telling her how great she is, and how much I like her. And I don't seem to get that from her at the moment, so it's just the teasing I get, without the reassurance of her feelings for me.

She's turned her life upside down to be with me, so I think that I really shouldn't be worrying about how she feels about me. - Almost like it should be obvious by her recent actions.

I think I should possibly be a bit more patient with her. What with the aforementioned life turning upside down stuff, at first she was very stressed, and things between us were very distant, but they are getting better and better. So maybe her telling me her feelings for me again, will come back. am finding it very hard not being told. :( I think that is the main issue here really. I probably wouldn't be getting jealous if I was surer of her feelings for me.

What do yo think?

E

Hi P

Tell me to butt out if you want, but I lurk everywhere and have some idea of your back ground with this girl - could that be why you're jealous? "If she's done it to be with me could she do it to me?" mentality?

With regards to the actual jealousy, it's not attractive especially if it's unwarranted. My H is like that cause I work in a male dominated area. Not sure how to curb it or deal with it though (wish I did!).

I'll go back into the world of lurkerdom now,
Liz

Hey Dolfyn, all replies welcome... :)

I think that's probably a bit of a factor with me. But after thinking about it some more, I think the main issue here is more to do with the fact that things aren't as good between us right now as I would like and therefore any perceived attention going elsewhere makes me jealous. It's like they are getting the attention that I want.

Not sure what's going on really, she keeps coming back for more, but oddly when I see her, it often feels like she doesn't want to be there. Which obviously doesn't add up.

It's up and down though. Had a great day out yesterday, where we were very couply, which felt great, but in the evening, things tailed off again, and by the time we went to bed, she felt very distant again, which carried over to this morning.

Have decided to back off a bit for a while. If she wants to spend time with me, she'll let me know. And I might bring up that it's hard spending time with her when she can be distant with me.

E

Cool, not that I've much experience (1 boyfriend turned husband lol) From her point of view she could still be grieving for her marriage even if she wanted to end it.

It could also be that she (and you) built up the idea of being together so much that it's just not able to meet that expectation. You'll often hear about newly weds who don't quite know what to do with themselves after the build up and excitement of the planning - the reality of it all.

I don't know, I would think a chat and letting her know how you feel as the best course of action as you've already said.

Good luck,
Liz

Hi E,

I agree with Liz's advice really. Jealousy is not an attractive quality, nor is it any good for you cos it just consumes you.

Best thing to do is to talk to her and get some reassurance (and keep telling yourself reassuring things too)

:-)