Is there anybody out there who can relate to this situation?

Married for 24 years, three kids but left him 18 months ago and now living on my own.  The kids are with him and I see them a lot.  That means that I have to go round there as we have not been able to agree a regular pattern when they come to me. They are all teenagers so have busy lives of their own. 

The problem though, is that I have tried to finalise the break for nearly a year now and he just will not accept it saying that I am making a terrible mistake not to come back and give it another go.  I do have feelings for him and it is very difficult to give somebody up after 24 years of marriage  (he is a good father and was an incredibly loyal husband but had a very unpleasant side to him) but I want to move on and just can't make the break.  When I try to he manages to twist my mind into turmoil and make me feel completely torn as to what to do for the best.  We were a good family but have grown so far apart and he is very controlling. 

I feel I cannot take the risk of returning only to find I am unhappy with him and have to leave all over again. I would rather 'cut my losses' now and accept the consequences.  Is that madness???

Is there anybody out there who can remotely relate to this situation. How did you finally get what you wanted without feeling completely terrible for ruining his life?

Anna xx

I got myself a good lawyer and have a considerable bill that will be coming out of the excellent settlement my lawyer helped me achieve after 20 months of bureaucratic control efforts from the ex. After I finally got what I am entitled to (which in the end came down to the last 30 mins of negotiations, before our papers were to go before a judge, even the last 5 mins I won myself another lump that I would not have got at trial and would have had that amount added to my bill!)(my trick was to refuse to be in the same room as him and his lawyer, as in front of him I loose my strength, away from him I did a great job, so the registar had us going in and out alternately.) How does this relate to you, you can't break away and start again while you feel he has a hold over you.   Get a lawyer, start the divorce, get a financial settlement, the teenage kids should be seeing you outside of his house. You need to unravel yourself from him and your shared past, your kids are old enough to know where and when to see you, if they see you happy in your own place you will be better company for them and more fun to be with.

I can now finally sell our marital home that still has bits of his stuff in, but you know what after the finances were finally agreed upon, he then behaves as if we can be friends and he wants to help me move house.......!Not on my nelly, I said the shed needs clearing out but you are not touching anything in the house, I have "by order" the right to sell the house without his involvement so I don't have to tell him a thing. He hates it and has even mentioned that I'll have to diconnect the phone etc,,gas,,bla bla..really, thanks I have never moved house before.  It doesn't stop, the attempts to hold onto me.

That was a rant from me, but I think you get the message, listen to your heart and take the control back. Contact with my ex can set me back for a while but it gets less and easier as time goes by.