Hi,

For me and my DH there is a difference. We've been married for 6 years and not that many people we know irl know we're married. We only had two witnesses at the wedding and we have never told our families or any of that stuff. The reason being that our relationship is about us and we wanted to get married to show commitment to each other. Neither or us are particularly bothered about other people witnessing this or really what they think about it. Our marriage, like the rest of our life is about us.

I think when we were going through a tough time the fact that we're married made it easier to stick with things and work through it together, I think it would have been easier to walk away had we not been married. So it has made us stronger and less selfish than when we "just" lived together.

Hi,

I think you are right, this one is a very interesting question. I think there are many points to both arguments. I was just wondering what are is your opinion on CHristenings, naming ceromonies and funeral??

Sorry I haven't answered you before, I thought I had but I think the message must have disappeared into cyber space!

You've raised some interesting points there though IMO you do seem quite single minded in your feeling that the sole purpose of marriage is to be entitled to half the other's property. When I got married we barely had any possessions, there wasn't really anything worth having to start with. Perhaps to some people that is the main motivation and I think that is quite sad.

For me marriage meant standing in front of everyone we knew to make a commitment that we would be together for life. If you just live together it's relatively easy to separate so it sometimes seems to me that you're hedging your bets in case you want a quick getaway! For me being married and having the same surname as my future children was important, I wanted us all to be unified in that way and feel like a family unit rather than separated by different surnames. That wasn't the major motivation though, we were married 6 years before we had kids and it was a lovely time.

"All the best things about marriage can obviously exist in any loving long-term relationship" - I quite agree with that, and I think anyone who gets married thinking that things will improve for the better is deluded. For about two years after I got married certain annoying people never tired of asking "How's married life then?" and I always used to reply "The same thanks, but with better plates!".

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Hi Sam

Wow, have you kept your marriage secret on purpose? Must be hard sometimes when people ask you when you'll be tying the knot etc? There is something very romantic about the way you've done it though, it's refreshing to hear about a couple who aren't all about the big wedding! I think you're very right about it making it easier to stick together, I think the vows you've gone through give you that extra incentive to make the effort.

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Hi,

You know what, it all seems really sensible to DH and I, it only sounds weird when I tell anyone else about it, lol.

I'm kind of lucky in that I was a bit of a feisty one when I was younger and I always said I would never get married or have children, so my family know it's just better to not pressure me about anything like that - I think they're just relieved I live with someone so I don't end up wandering the streets in my pyjamas eating raw jelly!