Hi,

Just always wondered why for some people making and keeping friends can seem to be so difficult.

Asides from when i was at school, i can honestly say that i have not really had any real good friends in my lifetime. I am a lone parent and live in an area away from my family and only know a handle of local people, most of whom are one's that just say hello/chat for the sake of it then thats it again.

There is one girl who i have known from when i was with my sons father, we both were pregnant around the same time near enough, but often times have come and i have openly invited her to pop round for coffee or suggested meeting up with our kids, to which she has seemed interested in doing but then never arranges anything so for feeling that i am having to do all the suggesting/inviting gives the impression that she is just being polite but not really interested in being a friend otherwise.

I can't help feeling that in some way i am putting people off me or if there is something wrong with me and have often felt like when opportunities have arisen where groups have got together that i have been 'left out or omitted' from plans. I can be a bit quiet until i get used to someone more but i am by no means unfriendly or unsocial towards others so don't know why things are this way but sometimes just feel so alone and distraught when there is no one to talk to other than family.

Missy.

I think the quiet or shy ones among us can often feel that way. Until you start being a little more open with peopel it's possible that they may feel you like keeping yourself to yourself and won't trouble you.

If you really want to make more friends, then you may have to start trying to overcome some (not necessarily ALL) of your shyness. That doesn't mean you have to turn in to a brash loud-mouth, but it might mean asking new people about themselves when you meet, engaging them in conversation and apperaing interested in the answers. If you styay completely quiet you're much less likely to make friends.

It won't necessarily be easy at first, but like anything gets easier and better with practice, so there's no substitute for it but to start talking to people you meet as much as you can.

CL on Overcoming Friendship Problems
Co-CL on Weight Watchers

Hi Mellers,

Thanks for your reply.

I do try to make conversation more when i am with new people i don't know but as you say, its not easy and often i have found it didn't lead to making a friendship in the end but guess all i can do is perservere at it. Its not easy being more of a quiet person but getting out there does seem to help more!

Missy

Hi Missy,

I just want to say that you're not alone in this.  I also have lost the friends I had at school and Uni. There's only one person I'm still in touch with from those days, and she lives far away. We chat on the phone every couple of months, but that's all.  I'm by nature a shy person, but like you, I have made an effort.  It just always ends up in a one-sided thing where I always make the suggestions to go out or whatever. I'm married, so I suppose that helps, but our marriage isn't great at the moment and there's often times when we're alone even when we're together.

It can be very upsetting when you know that other people are out there doing things with their friends.  But there are also loads of people that don't have lots of friends, like us.  I've even tried an online friendship site and I must say, there have been a couple of people that I enjoy emailing.  So that's worth a try - the one I'm on is free so you've got nothing to lose. 

I don't know how old your kids are, but I would suggest that you try and get a job - even if it's part-time.  I work part-time and I find that it helps to have people to chat to during the day.  You might make a friend at work also.  I'm friendly with a couple of people at work and we go out to lunch once a week.  We don't see each other outside of work, and we're not "real" friends I suppose, but for now, it's the closest thing I've got.

Take care

MsRobyn